Links: Home * A-B * C-E * I-O * P-S * T-Z * the Superman Family * The Batcave * X-Movies * The Super-100 Jump to... F * G * H F Fantastic Argoman Originally Reviewed on October 23rd 2007 This isn't a sequel to Superargo, though there are similar elements. Both have great powers of the mind and both are allied with an Indian type fellow. Argoman also has a sillier costume and is a sexist pig. Using his power to get the ladies to sleep with him (well, at least he offers door prizes, much like Monty Hall). The catch is, after a night with a gal he loses his telekinetic powers for 6 hours! Which as far as weakness go, seems much funner than Kryptonite. In this comedic super/spy thriller, Argoman goes head to head against the evil (wait for it)... Jenabelle: Queen of the World! Ahh ha, ha - ah such fun camp silliness as this, and a cheap robot and a bunch of cranky effeminate officials AND this hysterical scene where a bad guy jumps out the window. Argoman uses his powers to pull the guy back but when the cops interrupt him he loses his concentration and drops the dude, who falls to his death. Gawd, I about peed myself on that one. Here's the movies opening scene on Youtube. It's hysterical. I love how he breaks free, giggles and then gads off, skipping by the numerous dead bodies... You Tube: Fantastic Argoman. I really dig these mod Italian comic book flicks of the 60s and while Fantastic Argoman might not be as slick as Mario Bava's Diabolik, it's still a riot of joy. Fantastic Four (1994) Reviewed on April 3rd 2009 Before Marvel's freaky foursome was featured in a big Hollywood blockbuster in 2005, there was a low budget Corman produced movie which never saw the light of day theatrically. Complete with cheesy special effects, bad fluffy hairdos and a score that was more suited to a soap opera than an action flick. FF is laughably bad. Oh, I'd heard that it wasn't THAT bad - but yeah, it's pretty rank. In this version everyone is just one big happy family. Victor and Reed are the best of buddies who live at the Storm's Boarding house. Ma Storm is there with her kids Johnny and bashful Sue (who gets all squishy whenever she's around Richards). Vic and Reed are scientists who plan to tap into the radioactive energies provided by the comet Colossus. 'Course it all goes awry and an explosion leaves Victor terribly scared and -despite Reed and his other best bud Ben Grimm's best efforts- terribly dead. The story jumps 10 years where Reed is still hell bent for the comet-juice put out by Colossus. So he and Grimm build a spaceship and like a good neighbor, bring along Sue and Johnny for the ride. There's really no good reason for this, as they have no experience with such things. Maybe they are "very shrewd" and "very smart" like Lon and Gary, the 2 delinquents who got to help fly a space craft in the classic B-Movie, Missile to the Moon? As if this story isn't wonky enough, there's this Leprechaun (at least that what he looks like). Yeah, you see the movie gives us this great (Not!) subplot about these people who live under the city, and this dude, they call him the Jeweler, well he steals the diamond Reed was going to use to power his ship and replaces it with a fake. Anyway, you know the drill, ship blows up, the future fantastic ones wander around in a field where they start demonstrating amazing powers. The fab four are then grabbed by a still alive, but still ugly - Victor, who hates everyone now and to prove it he dons armor, wears a green terrycloth towel as a cowl and cape, and calls himself Doctor Doom. There's a scrap, yadda, yadda, yadda, the heroes escape - Oh, and the Jeweler? He has kidnapped Ben Grimm's girlfriend Alicia in order to make her his Queen, and to sweeten the deal he offers her Reed's diamond as a wedding present. Do you have a headache yet? Because I sure do. The Jeweler was an irritating little man and his inclusion made the film more convoluted than it needed to be. The various threads tie together because Doom steals the diamond the Jeweler stole so that he can use it to power a laser he plans to use to rule the world. The four -officially fantastic at this point- put on blue stretchy pants and shirts (Sue's "4" logo is gigantic and is located on her tummy rather than chest) then head out to save Alicia (now in Doom's clutches) as well as the world! Boy Howdie, what a messy turd! Of course legend has it the movie was only made so that they wouldn't lose the rights and it was never intended for release, so it was damned from day one. I'll give 'em points for trying. The Thing costume must have taken up the entire budget, and Dr. Doom looks decent. The acting isn't... well, good, but they do seem to be putting their hearts into it (I've read that no one told them it was all a fraud). Never the less, along with the script and direction, the action is sad. Reed's fighting skills are tantamount to stretching out his long leg to trip thugs, the Thing makes like the Kool-Aid Man and bursts through walls ("OH-YEAH!"). None of it was the least bit exciting. Bad flick - of course it could have been worse, they could have hired a hack like Tim Story to direct it... "D-OH!" Fantastic Four Originally Reviewed on August 20th 2006 The Fantastic Four is a film that played better the second go around. Though in no way does it achieve greatness, it does get a few things right. It understands that the Four were comic's first family and unlike many heroes who avoided the limelight, they were like royalty to the citizens of New York-beloved and cheered. The casting and relationship between Johnny Storm and Ben Grimm is letter perfect. Their younger/bigger brother relationship reads just like the comic book, with all the squabbles and practical jokes exploited in full. Jessica Alba is too short tempered as Sue Storm, but I like how she is a stronger, more intellectually involved than her comic counterpart (at least in those early stories). And finally, there's a cameo by the ultra-attractive Maria Menounos (Hmm, she's of Greek descent, might she have made a good Elektra?) Unfortunately it also gets more than a few things wrong: The lack of a strong narrative is director Tim Story's main failing. The movie plays like a series of short bits, stitched together as one but never blending together seamlessly. This style of filmmaking is tedious for me, because just as I get into the rhythm of a scene, it suddenly changes gears and loses the momentum. The several montages used add to this choppy feel. There are times when I felt I was watching music videos rather than a singular story line. The inclusion of a wife for the Thing was in particular poorly realized. Here was a chance to explore a situation that could bring true depth to the character of Ben Grimm, but it's handled so superficially. Spouses sometimes have to deal with the disfigurement of a mate, but this is never delved into. Divorce and separation are tremendously painful situations. But the movie doesn't have the heart it would require to seriously mine this point. And later when Ben and the blind Alicia Masters are thrust together, it comes off phony and forced. The movie doesn't have the chops to handle this aspect of life and it should have been dropped. The casting and story of Doctor Doom is a major failing. Tying him so closely into the Four, having him gain his power in the same way the others did; undercuts the menace, mystery and power of the character. And Julian McMahon is terrible; there's nothing commanding about him and that he delivers his lines as Doom in a nasal whine, doesn't help (Voice modulation should have been in use) The ending is horrid, mostly due to the superficial way it tidies things up with the Thing. Who now has a new gal pal, and is happy being made of rocks. Deus ex machine anyone? There are fun moments, good humor throughout. Michael Chiklis is great as the Thing. But its flaws are fatal and the bottom line is that this is a movie that never reaches its full potential. Fantastic Four: Extended Cut Originally Reviewed August 23rd 2007 When I watched "The Incredibles" extras I had a real sense that Director Brad Bird really was a true accomplished artist. He knew what would work and what would have to be cut in order to create a cohesive narrative. The end result was a nice tightly coiled plot that unfolded brilliantly. But with some directors, I have the sense they are treading water. They have some skills, but they lack that touch of true brilliance. Watch the X-3 extras and commentary, they are constantly saying, "Why did we cut this out?" - (and man, they were idiots for shaving down the Wolverine/Juggernaut fight). I have the same feeling here, that Tim Story isn't a master of medium, that he's not in control creatively, lacks the vision that you get from Brad Bird. And in this version of the film you see he cut out far too much. The extended cut is not a definitive version because there's too much left in. I don't know if the director had a say in this at all, and it's like they just threw in the kitchen sink (Including 2 versions of the same Reed/Sue date?) But there are some moments where I thought, "That's why the theatrical version felt so choppy and undeveloped". The storyline behind the Thing's relationships was cut to ribbons. One thing: Divorce is a long, messy, complicated event. Too much for this film to bear, while there are great moments (The Thing trying to pick up the wedding ring) - Having a wife scream and run and, later walk away without a word was superficial. There needed to be at least one, heartfelt, tears and all, scene between the two *. And then having Ben fall quickly into another relationship didn't ring true at all. But at least with the restored scenes you see how the relationship between Alicia and Ben develops. It makes the whole deal come off more natural, less tacked on. And you also get why Ben is so angry with Reed and Sue. Before it was silly. Ben gets a quick lunch from a man he hates, and instantly turns against his lifelong friend? No way; there had to be more building up to that confrontation. And in the extended cut, we see that build up. The director cut out a lot from his film. Way, way too much that was integral to character and story development. (And I don't recall any "Daredevil" like, studio interference stories). But there also much included here that should have been left out. So in short, we have two versions of the film. Neither is definitive. * Note: In the commentary tracks it's pointed out that she's was Ben's fiancée, not his wife. The lack of clarity on this fact only illustrates how poorly fleshed out the character and situation was. And I feel my complaint is still valid. Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer Originally Reviewed on October 2nd 2007 Director Tim Story offers up a smoother story here, it feel less hacked up than his first (Theatrical cut). But his directorial limits are painfully apparent. There are a lot of illogical things (Why does Sue's clothes burn off if everything they wear is made of unstable molecules?) He doesn't let the audience in on certain things, just tosses it in there. And from the commentary tracks, there seems to be a lot of differences of opinion on scenes and story etc. He's not in control (Collaboration is always a part of the film making experience. But great directors ultimately take control. Story seems a wishy, washy leader) He's not that great at staging a fight scene. For example, Superman saving the plane in Superman Returns, even in Ghost Rider, his escape and ride up the skyscraper. Both are incredibly thrilling scenes. But take Doom running off with the Surfer's board. It starts off great, what Vic does to the General is a stunning moment, and then he blows the doors out with power. But then Story kills the momentum with a gag (Sure it's kind of cute having Reed stuck behind the Thing. But the movie was building up on something horrifying and exciting. To stop for a joke, and then later, for another quarrel during the Fantasticar scene, ruins the buildup) What the director is, above all, is a comedian, though he's not that deft with that either. But that's his focus and he just can't help but flood this picture with one jokey moment after another. You'd expect that with Ben and Johnny, but no one is sacred in Stories hands. Whether it's Sue getting a pimple, or Reed's incredibly, stupid stupid dance at his bachelor party (They still haven't perfected the stretching FX and it remains the weakest looking power in the film). Humor is not a bad thing, and comic book absurdity can be fun. But it takes a deft hand. While Story has respect for the Lee/Kirby material and never plunges into Superman III type camp, he can't reach Sam Raimi like heights (Raimi's Spiderman balances absurd moments, humor, action and deeply profound human elements brilliantly). In short: Story really has no business helming one of Marvel's A list franchises. So with his adequate talents he produces an adequate movie. I went to see this at the theaters and didn't feel ripped off. But I never feel bowled over either. What was the films saving grace is the inclusion of the Silver Surfer. This has always been one of my favorite characters, I even owned that old black light poster and bought anything he was in. Jack Kirby was the main creator, Lee later breathed life into him and he quickly became a cult hit, a philosophical figure of great dignity and grace. Even Story wouldn't dare goof on the Surfer and because of that I found something to latch onto and enjoy. Laurence Fishburn provides the voice and it's perfectly smooth and dignified. The figure looks incredible, the way he zips and soars and uses the power cosmic is hella cool. I just wish there was more of it. Of Note: There's rumor that Alex Proyas (Crow, Dark City) could be making a Surfer solo feature, and as long as he doesn't go overboard (as with I Robot) he could make an incredible Surfer film But as to the rest of this flick: Doom still has that nasally whiny voice I hate. And there's this strange thing they do with the Torch, where he effectively becomes the Super Skrull (For non comic book readers. Skrulls were shape-shifting, war like aliens. The Super Skrull could mimic all the F4's powers at once). I'm not sure if I like it or not (and it gave me another gnawing lapse in continuity: Johnny had always lost his power and acquired the others when he'd touch them previously. So why is he still able to "flame on" at the end?) The ending has some heart, though it felt hurried. The Thing and the Torch are still the team's highlights; the main problem with Reed and Sue comes from the weak acting for both. Oh, and Stan Lee makes his greatest cameo ever. Extras are good. I always buy the 2 disc sets on these things because I love the featurette's on the comic books. Here the history and origins of the Surfer are given its due. They do a nice job of telling his story (though they skip by that marvelous Lee/Kirby graphic novel) and show off lots of great artwork (I was always much, much in love with Moebius' version) I haven't listened to the second commentary in total, but did catch all of Story's. It sounds like there might be some more material out there, not seen in this set and there are ideas he had to ditch (Using Nick Fury, Doom-bots, and he wasn't happy with idea that contact with the Surfer healed Victor). Deleted scenes are cute, though unlike with the first movie, losing them doesn't hurt the film (but again, their might be more material out there). Fatal Comic Reviewed on June 12th 2009 Cheap looking, shot on video with poor camerawork, editing... well heck, everything is rotten about this movie. Set in Japan, it's about this brilliant comic book artist, who in truth is pretty crappy. Rob Liefeld is Michelangelo compared to this guy. Anyway, when he is murdered, his son (an aspiring bad artist) vows to complete his father's final issue and, with the help of his kooky Aunt, find the killer. The movie is wordy beyond belief and is intercut with live action scenes drawn from the comic book. The martial arts are lame as all get out, quick editing is used to hide the lack of skill and the fight seen during the opening credits is played twice more during the course of the flick. In these scenes, the son and titular hero Sky Walker (soon to be the subject of a major lawsuit?) dresses like the 'Man From Glad' and squares off against the minions of the Black Devil (I especially enjoyed the group who could very well have been named the 'Gay Pirate Gang') I couldn't find one good thing about this movie, other than it was fun to make fun of. It's repetitive, cheesy and shoddy on all phases. Unless you like riffing on movies MST3K style, Fatal Comic should be avoided at all costs. The Flash 1990 Pilot Originally Reviewed on July 29th 2009 Most pilots I’ve reviewed act as kind of a test. If you flunk the test, the pilot film will be the only record of that failure. On the other hand if you pass, months down the line you’ll be rewarded with a series. Sometimes a TV pilot is just a glorified episode, it begins the series and a new ep will shortly follow the next week. Such is the case with “The Flash”. At 94 minutes the pilot episode feels padded out. It takes time telling its tale and that results in some dull moments. ABC wanted actor Jack Coleman (Noah Bennet on "Heroes") for the role, but he passed and it was given to Soap Opera star John Wesley Shipp. Shipp is buff and has a face that looks as if it were drawn by former Flash artist, Mike Wieringo. He's a great Barry Allen. The suit (which cost the network a pretty penny) looks good and accurate. The problem that plagues many live action superhero series is the conventional villains and schemes. Here the Flash takes on a Biker gang. Watching a man of extraordinary power pitted against an average Joe isn't interesting, no matter how many scars the baddie sports. Screenwriters often solve the -difference in power dilemma- by weaken the hero, which is lame because I watch these things in order to see them use their powers in full. As the biker gang saga unfolds, we watch as Barry gains his special abilities (in an explosion at the crime lab where he works) and teams up with a S.T.A.R. Labs scientist named Tina (Amanda Pays) to learn how to use them. The duo has a nice chemistry and these scenes are interesting. The Flash isn't a bad movie; though it does get too melodramatic and soapy, especially when the misused Iris breaks up with Barry. Their are draggy sections and it borrows from Burtons Batman (The "You created me" bit with the bad guy). Overall I enjoyed myself, I liked the characters, the way they interacted. I thought the Flash looked good and though I'd have preferred a super baddie, Barry's first steps to action were fun (the way he zips in, steals weapons, dismantles a bike, etc) The FX are dated, running fast has always been a challenge and they do the best they can with it. The front angle shots look the worst; the long-range shots, the flash of red and the after math (sand and water spray violently in Barry's wake) are the most effective. Apart from the winning leads the cast includes M Emmet Walsh as Allen's old school cop father, who doesn’t see Barry (a CSI) as a true Police Officer. Tim Thomerson is Barry's cop brother, he lays on the ham and cheese a bit thick. Alex Desert is stiff though likable as Allen's co-worker and friend. The theme music was written by Danny Elfman, it's in his traditional style but it sounds good. The series as a whole suffered from an identity crisis. When the -normal thug as foe- angle failed, the producers scrambled for something that would grab the audience. They attempted goofy humor, which was handled miserably, before finally setting on the comic book style, which worked. Bringing in Mark Hamill to play the Trickster was a boost, and my favorite episodes had Barry teaming up with a Golden Age hero named the Nightshade. Unfortunately these changes came too late and the show was cancelled after one season. Flashman Originally Reviewed on July 20th 2008 Though set in England, Flashman is another fun Italian production from the late 60s that leans on -attempted- humor and is heavily inspired by Batman. He's even got a very Battish theme song... "Flashman! Flashman! Flashman! Do-da Do-da Do-da Do-da Do-da Do-da Do-da Do-da Do-da Do-da Do-da Do-da Do-WA!" The somewhat convoluted plot concerns two gang of thieves who rob the same bank. One is a band of babes headed by a ruthless woman; the other is a group of thugs lead by a guy who has a serum that can turn anyone invisible. The employee they rob is none other than Flashman in disguise. So the leader of the girl group and the invisible dude team up and karate chop a path through Flashman's friends and allies in various get rich quick schemes. Their primary caper results the death of a Maharishi and it's this guy's daughter that Flash attempts to rescue through the final 3rd of the movie. The flick is a splash of 60s bright color, short skits and go-go boots. Though light in tone there is violence though it's not graphic (how graphic can you get when you run over an invisible person and then shoot their invisible head several times?) The comedic relief is provided by the bumbling police officers (they get their own Benny Hill-like goofy theme). Flashman himself is a bored pampered multi millionaire named Lord Bermer who has a butler named Jarvis and a Mod hippy sister who sometimes aids him in his battle against crime. A few unintentional laughs are had via Flashman's garish red and sparkly silver bulletproof outfit (Bulletproof costumes seem to be in vogue in many of these productions). The mask has these 2 triangular dealies that flap like fish gills and only add to the silliness. There's also a great scene where a paragliding toy flies through fire and later, when an invisible woman dashes through the streets -despite the fact that you have to be naked in order to be transparent (and we see her disrobe)- the Foley artist added the sound of boots clacking against concrete as she runs. Flashman is no great classic; it's a dumb trifle that never the less manages to amuse and delight, along the same lines of Fantastic Argoman. Back to top of page G Gagamboy Originally Reviewed on May 30th 2008 Gagamboy (Spiderboy) is another from the Philippians and one that received some glowing notices. Hmmmm, actually I was pretty disappointed in this Spiderman parody. For one, the movie wastes a lot of time on set up, both the plot and the jokes. And the gags are so telegraphed that by the time they do land a punch line, it's pretty much a groaner. The lead actor seems to have watched too many Jim Carrey movies, he mugs and makes faces and that gets tiring. There are a lot of colorful characters. The love interest is cute and has a spirited way about her. There's an eccentric dressmaker who provides a few chuckles. The main foe turns into a giant cockroach and that costume isn't bad, both he and Spiderboy gain their powers by "eating" radioactive bugs (EWW!) This group live in the poor side of town, which was refreshing and different (Our heroes costume is a kind of patchwork mess). Gagamboy defends the people there and they are not always appreciative, and in one of the few laughs I received. They complain over the destruction caused during a battle with a vampire woman (?) and in the next scene we see him hammering away, making repairs. The final 45 minutes are better than the first hour, but not by much. The pacing and tone of the whole piece feels off kilter and as far as Filipino flicks go; I much, much preferred Super Noypi, Volta and even Lastikman to this one. Gen ¹³ Originally Reviewed on January 13th 2009 This much-anticipated movie never was released and it's easy to see why. The animation is rough and the story plods along like a hippo with a bad leg. It's an interesting curio for fans, though it never captures the sex appeal and vibrancy of the source material. The plot of follows the Jim Lee/Brandon Choi penned comic closely which tells of a group of kids who break free from a secret government project where they are being experimented on. In truth it wasn't the story but the art by J. Scott Campbell that made Gen ¹³ a must buy every month, Sure it was highly sexualized but boy was it pretty. His Caitlin Fairchild was the big draw; as the powerful teen was a tall, lean, beautiful Amazon and smart as a whip for good measure. Joining her was Freefall, Grunge, Rainmaker (seen briefly in the film) and Burnout (absent on the DVD), all mentored by the gruff John Lynch. Without Campbell's signature style the movie comes off flat. The pacing is strained, scenes are strung out for no apparent reason (Caitlin staring and staring and staring at a pamphlet during class to name one of many). The animation is awkward and lacks fluidity --- mouths flap but don't match what is being said, line work is simplistic. It looks like a film done on the cheap. Voicework is a mixed bag. Mark Hamill (Threshold) is great as always while E.G. Daily (Dottie in "Pee Wee's Big Adventure") as Roxy/Freefall and Alicia Witt (Fairchild) are both okay, though some of the dialog they -and others- are given is dreadful. John de Lancie (Q from "Star Trek: Next Generation") delivers his lines like a pro but he's too smooth (the comic character was based on Clint Eastwood and I kept wanting to hear that gravely voice). Weighing in on 'this side-of-horrible' is Flea (Red Hot Chili Peppers). He's simply awful as Grunge; his flat, nasally inflection is a distraction. There was hope that writer/director Kevin Altieri could deliver the goods as he did with the "Batman" animated series. Unfortunately, though there are brief moments of life, for the most part it offers up very little of the spark, humor or sizzle found in the comic book Ghost Rider Originally Reviewed on August 23rd 2007 Johnny Blaze (Nicholas Cage) is a motorcycle stunt man, who sells his soul to the Devil (Peter Fonda) for the life of his father... of course when you deal with the Devil things don't always go according to Hoyle. The consequences of this transaction is that when Satan calls, Johnny's poor head bursts into flame! The plot is basic: The son of Satan looks to dethrone his father and pops sends his Ghost Rider out to stop him. I just finished watching the extended cut of Ghost Rider and the new -major- scenes include a beat down on Caretaker (who is Blaze's ally, nicely played by Sam Elliot). And that the Devil and son meet outside the bar, instead of the park. The director had good reasons for leaving them out but generally he didn't come off like he had as good a feel for this character as he did with Daredevil. When I saw this in theaters I hated it. I liked it a "little" better this time around on DVD. There are still major stupidities (Cage pointing and laughing at the monkey vid makes me wince. It's not funny what he was watching and the fake laughter was embarrassing) the acting was horrid. Though, Elliot and Fonda are decent (and in the confrontation between father and son, Peter out acted the heck out of the kid playing Blackheart - who was wretched) but those "MMMM" sounds he made early on bugged me (Stop making that yummy sound damn it!) The scenes with young Blaze didn't jibe with me (Too calm while working on the bike, he just learned that his father is dying and he's going to have to give up the love of his life and stay with pops. Tears baby, I want to see a brow furrowed with loss and anger and pain) Then he just kind of, uh accidentally sells his soul without much thought or concern. Buuuut when Rider was on, it kicked ass. Good CGI - I loved the ride up the sky scrapper. GR was always one of the coolest looking characters and I'm glad they nailed that part of it. Of the DVD extras, I enjoyed the extra on the history of the comic book. Though they do skip a lot (the Don Heck years, and that horrid stretch with the ugly red costume) and gush over Garth Ennis too much (I'm not a fan) Overall Ghosty is an okay flick, though riddled with flaws. Such as truck loads of bad acting, lame stabs at humor and some cornball moments (Caretaker bursts into flame, revealing himself as a rider and gallops off with Johnny Blaze complete with cheesy music... and yet he doesn't partake in the final battle?) The Rider himself? Hella cool! The Golden Bat Reviewed on April 1st 2009 The Golden bat (Ogon Batto) is Japans first modern superhero, debuting sometime in the 1930s. It took him till 1966 to make it on the big screen in a faithful adaptation that is perhaps too faithful in some instances. The story is pretty much the same thing we saw in "Invasion of the Neptune Men" and "Prince of Space", with Earth facing a foe from the outer reaches of the galaxy. Because of that similarity, I figured the prerequisite gang of shrill boys in frightening shorts would soon make an appearance. Thankfully, there was no army of children this time out; only a young teen girl named Emily... and she kept her shorts to herself. Emily is a member of a team of scientist in shiny foil uniforms who are investigating a planet that is heading straight for Earth. Seems this planets collision course was set by an alien named Nazo, who feel's he's the only one who should be hanging around the universe. The scientists (lead by Iron Sharp/Space Chief himself, Sonny Chiba) decide to fly out to Atlantis, where they are soon besieged by Nazo's space-ninja's (who die easily, but there is an endless supply of them). Our hassled good guys are backed into a corner with no way out, when they happen upon a casket, a casket that holds the body of The Golden Bat! The Bat is Earth's protector, all you have to do is put a drop of water on his chest to awaken him. After some farting around, young, overzealous Emily grabs a handful of water and douses the Bat (he said "a drop" sweetie) and whala, the guy awakens and immediately starts laughing. And not in a Ha, Ha that's funny, or even a diabolical way... But rather he laughs like someone who is batshit insane. G.B. will do a lot of that laughing during the course of film - and why not... he gets to run around and swat at aliens in black pajamas with his baton of justice. Sounds like fun, I'd laugh too. Though this isn't as tedious as Neptune Men or Prince of Space, the similarities of the fights do wear thin. I can only watch a dude wave his wand at inept baddies for so long. Still it is a fun flick, and funny when it's not trying to be (I found myself chuckling often). The Bat looks like he should have been called the Golden Skull, except for the fact that he has a herald, a golden bat that flies around and sometimes doubles as a broach worn by Emily. The evil Nazo on the other hand is pure silliness on a grand scale; this is where the movie shouldn't have remained faithful to the comic. On paper he sounds cool - with 4 laser shooting eyes, a claw hand and a hovercraft (that doesn't hover) instead of legs. On screen, his baggy felt costume makes the villain look like he should be in a Bjork video or at least standing on a street corner, holding a sign that boasts of an "Amazing Closeout Sale!" Nazo is assisted by Jackal (picture Wolverine... if he lived in Whoville), Piranha, a woman with scales on her uniform and Keloid, who looks like he fell asleep in his oatmeal and cackles like Frank Gorshin on a sugar high. Nazo's primary weapon is a drill shaped tower (parodied by the "Jill Tower" in Cutie Honey?) In the end there's lots of fisticuffs and lasers, the scientists retrieve their ultimate blaster gun and blow up the planet before it can destroy the Earth, and the Golden Bat throws his baton right through Nazo's noggin - Yay! The picture itself is clean and clear. Its special effects are not that special though. Strings are clearly seen and flying objects are often see-through. The acting is broad; there is a lot of posing and pointing. Despite the lack of variety in many of the fight sequences, story wise it moves at a clip, and that was welcome, considering the repetitiveness of the Prince and the drawn out battle at the end of Neptune Men. It's not high art (you weren't expecting it to be were you?) but it was an enjoyable time waster. Now laugh, damn you laugh! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! Note: For a look at early Japanese superhero films, check out the blog... Adam Smashers Goldface: The Fantastic Superman Reviewed on April 17th 2009 As with Superargo, this movie is a special blend of hip Italian fumetti with the masked wrestler genre, only it's not as good. Directed by Bitto Albertini, who would go on to film several of the 3 Fantastic Supermen movies (not the first one, which was actually good). So it goes without saying that the movie has plenty of weird cheesiness thrown into the mix. Goldface isn't one of the better Italian comic book flicks; but it isn't horrible, just rather run of the mill. There are a few laughs, like the corny Cobra. A villain who demands 2 mil or he will continue to blow stuff up (or something like that). Cobra enjoys making silly speeches in which he refers to himself in the third person. He also wears a strange outfit that branches out like a bowl to hide the bottom half of his face (I hope he never gets caught in a heavy rain storm, he's liable to drown in his own coat!) Thwarting Cobra's every move is mild mannered Dr. Villar, a scientist by day, masked wrestler and crime fighter by... uh well day and night (when does the guy find time to sleep, or do sciency stuff?) Aided by a bare chest African named Kotar. When Kotar's not punching folks, he's eating peanuts, bugging out his eyes, and speaking gibberish while referring to Goldy as "B'wana". You know, the kind of things that make you hide your eyes throughout the film and wish they hadn't gone there? Even when I laughed at a line directed at or spoken by the man (as when Goldface tells him that it's not polite to eat peanuts when your about to step into a trap) I felt uncomfortable doing so. Goldface himself is a very energetic guy - jumping, kicking and hopping around. So that kept the fight scenes interesting. His costume is funny looking. Apart from the standard mask, it has a cheap looking G.F. stitched on the shirt (Garish Freak? Gassy Ferret? Oh... Goldface!) And on his chest and tummy, a logo that looks like it might have been designed by Georgia O'Keefe (if you, uh, know what I mean). The cast is rounded out by several lovely ladies; I found the daughter who kept getting kidnapped or near killed, very easy on the eyes. The score is traditional 60s cool; the main theme is "Tequila" mixed with a bit of Morricone's "Diabolik". At the end they steal some of John Barry's 007 work. The movie was made on the cheap, there are moments where they replay the same shots (as during the water skiing sequence) but they do their best with what they had, and it's not bad looking or marked by horrid pacing. Goldface at least looks like he knows what he's doing and that's half the battle with some of these low budget productions. Green Hornet Originally Reviewed on May 3rd 2011 After the death of his father, spoiled Britt Reed teams up with employee Kato to fight bad guys. Seth Rogan can kiss my backside! This movie made me so, so, sooo angry - because I loved the Hornet in his old radio and TV shows, and Rogan dishonors all that made him cool. Despite the countless troubles during production, fat head Seth forged on and managed to get this horror made (and yet del Toro still can't get "At the Mountains of Madness" off the ground? Something stinks in Hollyweird). Rogan's doughy features and marble mouthed delivery made him a terrible fit for the role to begin with - and when he starts yelling in panic or excitement, that casting choice swings from bad to dreadful. Remember the flick Dumb and Dumber, when the protagonists gave voice to the most annoying sound in the world? Well that annoying sound was just surpassed, and it emanates from Rogan's grating gob. He's ear bleeding shrill. The film meanders and farts around, offers up some explosions and lame comedy. None of it is satisfying. There's no chemistry between Hornet and Kato. Cameron Diaz as Britt's secretary adds zero to the production (except more irritating noise and confussion). Talents like Christoph Waltz and Tom Wilkinson are wasted. And director Michel Gondry proves once again that without writer Charlie Kaufman to hold his hand, he's a total hack. Apart from James Franco's hilarious cameo at the start, this is a complete and utter disaster. Green Lantern: First Flight Originally Reviewed on July 28th 2009 Writer Alan Burnett and Director Lauren (Wonder Woman) Montgomery's Green Lantern is high in plot, though low in character development. In truth Hal Jordan was more fleshed out in the ambitious animated feature, "JLA New Frontier" - and the only Lantern who truly shines as a fully realized character is Sinestro. That's not to say that "First Flight" is bad, it's anything but. What it's lacking as a character study, it more than makes up for in story and adrenaline charged action. There are elements of "Training Day" when Sinestro takes Jordan under his wing, and it has a kind of Geoff Johns (Lanterns current comic book writer) vibe to it. The script spends only 5 minutes on the origin before it whisks us off to our adventure - which takes a few surprising turns as it unfolds. On the art: Though I didn't care for the look of the Guardians, or the changes made on the costumes (just about every comic character has a color scheme where the gloves match the boots. The Lantern's traditional white gloves are a unique feature that I missed). For the most part the animation was crisp and highlighted by rich bursts of color, set against the dense blackness of space. The majority of the ring battles are laser strikes, though Hal does manage a couple of cool and funny constructs. And while there are moments of violence and blood; the most successful scene of this ilk was when the sky rains down Lantern rings. Hearing them 'ting' upon the ground was more effective than any physical blow struck by Sinestro. Voice work was generally solid. Though one Guardian sounds like Dudley Do-Right (NELL!) and Christopher Meloni as Jordan is rather vanilla sounding, Victor Garber on the other hands is wonderful as Sinestro and Michael Madsen is about as perfect a Kilowog as you could hope for. The extras are not up to scratch. There is no commentary track; no profiles on the many Lanterns and no featurette on the making of the film. The first disc extras are advertisements. The second has 2 episodes from the JLA cartoon and a Duck Dodgers episode. There are 3 features: A static run-down on the Guardian's and Sinestro, as well as a short piece on the mythology of the character. None of this was essential or interesting. So I would suggest skipping the 2-disc set and its disappointing extras. Save your money, buy the single and key on enjoying the thrill ride of the feature film. It's another gem from DC. Green Lantern: Emerald Knights Originally Reviewed on June 13th 2011 Most movies are predictable, but it's the execution and skill put into them that keeps the stories fresh and exciting. Unfortunately a lot of what we get in Emerald Knights is presented with little freshness, and is flat out banal. The anthology is set up nicely, better than how it was done in "Gotham Knights". The Lanterns are under the threat of attack from Krona and as they prepare, Hal Jordan regales new recruit, Arisia with tales of past glories. The voice work (Nathan Fillian as Hal Jordan, Elisabeth Moss as Arisia) is well done as is the animation. That glowing green against the black vastness of space looks sharp as always. The opening tale is about the very first Green Lanterns and how a lowly scribe becomes the hero (and the inventor of constructs). While it was a decent enough, it offers little in the way of heart pounding thrills or surprises. The second, a jingoistic, cliché riddled military tale about the early days of Kilowog... was a story that bored me in comic form and doesn't improve when retold on film. The 3rd is another okay, but standard telling of Lantern Laria’s unwelcome return home. The piece offers one striking image, that of old family home movies -or rather, holograms- playing while father and daughter battle in the background (but even then the scene lacks the grandeur and drama it could have). The final tale with Abin Sur and Atrocitus is a trifle. Likely included to give a preview of the character before you watch the theatrical feature. Before that one comes the best of the bunch. It is an adaptation of Alan Moore/Dave Gibbon's, "Mogo Doesn’t Socialize". The art with this one has a kind of "Heavy Metal" feel to it and the story was compelling and different. Ah, if only all the sequences had been this inventive. It all ties together with an end battle with Krona. He looks pretty cool standing astride a planet. Of course the newbie Arisia comes up with the solution to defeating the creature --- and it’s okay - though not as Earth shatteringly spectacular an ending as it should have been. All told Emerald Knights is not terrible, but is too conventional to leave a great impression on me. It feels like a minor promotional sampler before the main event. Green Lantern Reviewed: October 25th 2011 Hotshot pilot Hal Jordan (Ryan Reynolds) discovers a dying alien, who bestows upon him his power ring and the mantle of Green Lantern. The reluctant hero joins forces with other Lanterns to protect the universe from a being of pure fear. Parallax. But ultimately stands alone when the creature attacks Earth. Over at Rotten Tomatoes they call the film big and noisy. But that's not the problem as I see it. In truth Green Lantern is a big and noisy comic book packed with big and noisy adventures (read The Sinestro Corps war or the Black Lantern saga). Hal Jordan is a galactic cop who can bring whatever he imagines into solid form, and any movie worth it's salt should employ every state of the art FX tool at its disposal to bring his powers and space spanning battles into full big noisy life. Where I feel director Martin Campbell and his writers err is in making this hero boring. There's far, far too much exposition. People stand around, or fly to and fro or in one case, lay on a floor after a battle... and talk and talk and talk. I understand that Lantern is an inherently complex figure, there’s going to be a lot of explaining. But sometimes it felt like they were running down a checklist of Lantern lore. Perhaps the filmmakers bit off more than they could chew. To have to cover the story behind the Lanterns and Oa and the Guardians and Hal and his father and his relationship with Carol Farris and Hector Hammond and to top it off, throw the evil Parallax into the mix. It was just too much for one movie. When I saw this in theater's I thought of it as an action packed popcorn adventure. But that facet doesn't kick into gear until the final half hour, and while it's fun, the hour and a half of set up isn't. It meanders and farts around unfocused. The characters themselves aren't fleshed out or interesting. I'm told Hal struggles with fear, but I don’t feel it. Despite efforts to offer some back story by injecting scenes with family, friends, co-workers and aliens - Hal Jordan never comes to life as a character I can relate to or care about. I don't know if that's Ryan Reynolds’s fault or the script or a little of both. In truth, none of the characters thrilled me: There's potential with Hector Hammond, played with relish by Peter Sarsgaard. Hammond is a brainiac with daddy issues and some jealousy over the fact that pretty boy Jordan gets the girl and the acclaim. But that potential is wasted as Hector is turned into a mere pawn of the main baddie. Mark Strong as fellow Lantern Sinestro is decent but doesn’t have a lot to do. Blake Lively is simply not all that talented, so Carol (Hal's love interest and boss) is just a body who speaks lines and happens to be in the movie, but could just as easily not be in the movie and I wouldn't care, Despite being a big budget extravaganza, the FX are a mixed bag and the bad stuff was a distraction. The idea of a uniform made of energy is cool, but it doesn’t look so cool. The costumes appear poorly drawn on - the necklines in particular stick out, separating man from cartoon CGI body in awkward fashion. And Parallax was more fearsome on the big screen where I could see some of the hands and skulls. On the home screen he just looks like a cloud of brown and yellow diarrhea. On my first viewing, my feeling was that Green Lantern wasn't as bad as critics were making it out to be. On this second go through, while I still wouldn't call it a complete train wreck, it was a tremendous wasted opportunity. I've always liked the Green Lantern, and the movie doesn't do him justice. Guyver Orignally Reviewed: October 11th 2007 It seems like these movies based on Asian super heroes are all about robots and monsters... and I'm starting to get a little tired of it all. In the Guyver an evil corporation is actualy run by monsters called Zolanoids, and they are after an alien cyborg armor called the Guyver. A kid on a motorbike finds it, becomes the hero of our movie and then there are fights and romance and yadda, yadda, yadda. You know the drill. The creature costumes have come a long way since Inframan. But while that was a blast with huge unintentional laughs, the Guyver tries too hard to be a camp comedy adventure. Comedian J.J. Walker plays one of the henchmen here (who tranformsd into a monster that I think might very well be the father of Jar Jar Binks), exemplifies what's wrong with this movie. Walker is an idiot who thinks he's funny; likewise the Guyver's filmmakers thought they were so damned clever. They try so hard to be cute. Their humor is like a violent assault and all I wanted to do while watching this was say - "Go to Hell movie!" It pushed my patience to the breaking point and I really have no strength or desire to review this turd. It's stupid; ignore it as I wish I had. Is there anything positive I can say? Well, Mark Hamill plays as a CIA agent. I like Mark. Mark has a great voice. And there's a cool scene where the title character shouts, "I am the Guyver" and the costume forms around him. Hmm, that's all I got. Guyver 2: Dark Hero In this sequel, Sean Barker goes on a quest to learn why he was chosen to become the Guyver. This quest puts him on a collision course with wacky! Well, not quite. This did get some theater time in Japan and I've heard it stays closer to the source material. It is definitely darker, bloodier (It received an R rating) and it's not going for laughs. In fact it goes too far in the other direction. I found the whole thing rather nasty. Despite a boatload of flaws, this is a vast improvement over the first. The stories a little more compelling and the Guyver looks faster and cooler in the violent action sequences. I liked David Hayter better as the lead, he brings more intensity to the role. Though at times he brings too much. Often bearing the expression of someone whose smelled something rotten. (Hayter by the way wrote the first 2 X-Men movies (He also has a cameo in the 1st - He's the cop kneeling over the disguised (as a cop) Mystique at the end) and is currently working on the screenplay for The Watchmen), Never the less, the overall feel of the flick is cheap: The first nighttime encounter with the monster looked good, but exposed to the light of day the creatures were less than impressive (and the cackling, what's up with that?). The cinematography is grimy. The dialog and acting is abysmal. When it's not glorifying in its violence, it becomes banal (as when we are forced to watch our hero watch TV). And the guyver/hosts pulsing neck breasts were laughable. Aside from the cut-rate production and that what's bad is very bad. Guyver #2 held my interest and as far as B movies go it was for the most part, entertaining. Back to top of page H Hancock Originally Reviewed on July 2 2008 Hancock is a tale of two movies - the first and best half is a hilarious look at a drunken hero who acts like an A-hole and causes all kinds of destruction while he's saving the day. It turns the superhero genre on its ear and has us imagine an uncouth, hobo-like superman. It feels real and along with Iron Man, proves that heroes who make us laugh are some the best kind (It opens with a bang, providing one big guffaw after another). During a rescue attempt, Hancock meets up with a PR man (Jason Bateman) who offers to help clean up his image. The PR mans wife is played by Charlize Theron and it's obvious from the start that she knows something about our mysterious hero, who can remember nothing of his past. In the second part of the movie there is an abrupt and jarring shift in tone. Things get serious and the movie might have bitten off a little more than it can chew. In this half we learn who Hancock is, who Theron really is and her connection to Smith (a great cataclysmic battle commences here). The relationships between the primary characters becomes rather tangled up and of course there's a bad guy to contend with. It's an ambitious turn, though not smoothly moved into or entirely successful: The first half deconstructs the comic book formula, while the 2nd embraces it -just as Hancock embraces his true heroic side. The ending gets a bit heavy handed and pads out the dramatic moment to excess. But I liked the heart found here. I like the idea of self-sacrifice (something that has always drawn me to the superhero archetype). Overall the acting is solid, I've not always liked Will Smith, but he banishes the self-satisfied smirk I so loathe and does a solid, even handed job with Hancock. The humor is the films strength while the redemption message is a hair over cooked (though not horribly so). For the most part I liked it. Hancock is a good high concept -though a rather jagged- tale. Hellboy Animated: Sword of Storms & Blood and Iron Reviewed on February 17th 2009 In Sword - Hellboy travels to the past to combat evil storm demons in Japan, This is a decent direct to DVD release, well told and directed by Phil Weinstein and Tad Stones. Voice work is stellar because it employs those from the live action films. Perlman, Blair and Doug Jones are joined by Peri Gilpin (Frazier) who plays folklore expert, Kate Corrigan The animation is okay, it didn't blow me away, it doesn't fully capture Mignola's deep shadowy style as well as Amazing Screw on Head did. But it's serviceable and there are many scary and freaky creatures to be seen as Hellboy goes on his journey. I like Japanese history and mythology and thus found myself very interested in the story. I'm not as into vampires and therefore, not as fascinated with the tale told in the follow-up, Blood and Iron. Though many fans feel this is the better of the two and it does capture the style of the comics more so than "Sword", it came off a bit old hat for me. "B&I" tells of the return of a vampire that was destroyed by professor Broom (voiced by John Hurt) in years past. Our agents of the supernatural explore a haunted house and do battle with ghosts, demons and the like, which culminates in a drawn out showdown between Hellboy and Hecate, Queen of the witches. While the flashbacks are interesting, I felt it (as did Sword) dragged at times and it didn't intrigue me as much as the first. Animation is the same (I did like the skull headed ghosts), humor's hit and miss in both. While I enjoyed the first and thought the second was fair, neither wowed me the way the live action films did. I've read a lot of reviews that went absolutely gaga for these so I'd suggest watching them, though they didn't strike as deep a chord in me. Hellboy Originally Reviewed on August 30th 2006 Mike Mignola's HELLBOY, directed by Guillermo del Toro (Blade II) is another comic book series that can't be easily defined. It is grounded in the supernatural, horror genre... but it also plays like a classic superhero story. Guillermo del Toro is a difficult director for me. In the technical aspects he is flawless, but I've always felt somewhat detached with his overall work. Even his masterpiece, The Devil's Backbone, never engages me fully on an emotional level (EDIT: Since posting this "Pan's Labyrinth" has been released and it is a true masterpiece. Flawless in every way) With Hellboy I did become emotionally attached. I liked these characters, I cared about what happened to them and I enjoyed the camaraderie between them. It goes without saying that is a beautifully constructed movie and the changes del Toro made from the comic (boosting Liz's importance, adding an extra edge of menace to Kroenen) creates a stronger story. The coupe de grate of the production was the casting of Ron Perlman as Hellboy. He's got charisma and personality up the whazoo and it's his strength of character that drives the film. His humor, the pathos and thrills- the fate of the movie rests on Perlman's shoulders and he carries it well. His performance at the end impressed me and the script served him well. Hellboy exercising his free will and denying his destiny was a powerful moment, but even better was the final scenes with Liz. I loved what he said to get her back. It fit the character perfectly as it was poignant but not soapy. His love is so strong he would fight through heaven and hell to save her. And that no one in the spirit world wants him coming down to do just that is funny and touching at the same time. A note on the Directors Cut: Though Guillermo del Toro open this disc by stating that for him this is the definitive version. He later mentions the flaws and reasons for certain cuts, and therefor illustrates why the theatrical is still the definitive version for me. Two cut scenes that the director regrets losing the most was an extended moment at the Doctor's office with Broom, and a shaving scene that also involved Rasputin's eyes. This eye bit was a cool idea but doesn't add or detract from the movie. They were lost in order to keep the film from going over 2 hours. Aside from those, there's more with Liz and Myers, which I didn't really need (I get it without having every detail shown to me) and it slows down the picture. Concerning Liz and Myers in the car, del Toro echoes my sentiments. It's a nice moment on its own but it doesn't fit with the whole. Liz just burned down a whole building, with people inside. She shouldn't look and act that happy at that early point in the picture. Guillermo also speaks about the bit set in Russia with the stone and points out that while it's a nice scene, it interrupts the momentum of the film. This is also true of the extended coffee date sequence. There is now a scene where we hear Hellboy escape (I don't need to see it, again I get it), then an extended date clip, then back to Professor Broom checking out the damage Hellboy caused (This also pulls Broom away from his lab, ruins the feeling of isolation for the Professor and cuts into the mounting suspense Del Toro was building there), and back to the date. It's too jagged; so much back and forth murders the narrative flow. It was fun to see the movie in this way, and while the eye stuff would have been cool it isn't essential to the plot. For me the Directors cut isn't as smooth a told tale as the theatrical version. Hellboy 2: The Golden Army Reviewed on November 20th 2008 I was not on line with del Toro's artistic vision for Hellboy II. I didn't like how he had pulled away from the comic book roots of the character and created a story steeped in the realm of pure fantasy. I didn't like the broad, Warner Brother's style cartoon humor (that Guillermo acknowledges several times in his commentary) and I felt that while del Toro's imagination was unquestionably impressive, the movie as a whole came off too self indulgent. For me, the Director's best pieces are ones where he shows some measure of restraint and maturity (The Devil's Backbone and Pan's Labyrinth) but with The Golden Army he allows the little boy in him to run amok (The Troll Market sequence illustrates what I disliked immensely: Hellboy argues with a troll who -in a child like manner- exclaims that he'll never give him the info he seeks, after a punch it then it cuts to HB slapping a creature. The moment was over the top and too cartoon slapstick and silly). Still there are positives: I thought the acting was above board, and I especially enjoyed the work of Luke Goss and Anna Walton as the sibling Elf Prince and Princess. The film, though made on a very restricted budget, is gorgeous to look at. I loved the scene with the elemental and the struggle that wars within our hero, how the mobs of people react and how Liz defends HB within this sequence. Despite the vastness of the piece it still keeps its heart (Thank God) and that kept it grounded enough to hold my interest. In addition to Hellboy and Liz's relationship, there's a very sweet connection between Abe and Princess Nuala (who is stuck in the middle of this conflict as it is her brother who is out to bring an end to the age of man). The fight at the end is cool and I like the idea behind the Prince trying desperately to save his dying race. But I prefer the tone of the first Hellboy and as a whole enjoy that film a lot more (Which was more in tune with the source material) Of Note: The film introduces Johann Krauss to the group; a lot of fans liked him in the film. That I forgot to mention him in my initial review is an indication that he didn't leave that big of an impression on me. He was fine though. Also, as always, Del Toro's audio track is informative. The trivia behind the young HB and the reason why puppets were used in a flashback sequence are interesting. Back to top of page Hero at Large Originally Reviewed on October 2nd 2007 John Ritter (who made this while on hiatus from Three's Company) plays a starving actor who takes a job promoting a new movie called "Captain Avenger". He dresses up, signs autographs at a theater, is hassled by punks (One being a very young Kevin Bacon) and afterwards, still in costume, he stops into a local grocery for Milk and thwarts an attempted robbery. Suddenly Captain Avenger fever sweeps through New York and a slimy promoter (Bert Convey) wishes to use him for his own gain. Hero At Large is a pleasant movie with a big heart. Ritter is a likable sort who believes that we all can be heroes who can make a difference in our communities. He's a hopeless optimist who woos his next door neighbor (Anne Archer) who is a little more hard nosed about life (but is soon won over by his earnest personality) The film plays more like a made for TV movie, which is probably due to the fact that the director has worked mostly in television. It's a decent film and has its heart in the right place and I like it a lot. With a better director or writer it might have made for a great movie because the idea is good. Unfortunately the execution is lacking. Ritter fans should enjoy it; I thought he was very good in the role. The Heroic Trio Originally Reviewed on July 9th 2008 This 1993 Hong Kong action flick directed by Johnny To is high on astonishing martial arts action but also features the strange amalgam of silly humor and disturbing violence. The story is this; a crazed Eunuch wizard hatches a plan to kidnap babies in an attempt to find the one true emperor, so that both can rule the world. Aiding him is Michelle Yeoh (Ching, the Invisible Woman) who is under his control. Trying to stop him is the cities protector and hero, Tung, aka Wonder Woman (Played by the late Anita Mui - and not related to DC comics character) who is also the wife of the police officer in charge of stopping the thefts. The third is Chat, Thief Catcher (Maggie Cheun) a bounty hunter who is hired by one of the fathers to rescue his baby. The trio eventually unites against the evil wizard (and his demon henchman). If your gonna watch this, skip the US cut (By Miramax) because it's very different from the Chinese original (now out of print). While they cleaned up the picture and it looks great, story wise they botch it. There are a few scenes that were cut (The Eunuch's demon guard eats his own fingers), names were changed (Wonder Woman becomes Shadow Fox, Thief Catcher is changed to Mercy) and there are holes you could drive a truck through. Why does Thief Catcher kidnap a child? She says she needs the money, and the cops don't even bother to arrest her? In the Chinese original it's stated clearly that she was trying to draw out the real kidnapper, and several cops are aware of this (she is held for questioning and receives an angry rebuff from the lead officer) As for the baddie: In Chinese legend a Eunuch can acquire mad supernatural power, in the original cut this 'guy' is voiced by a woman (rather than the old hat, evil scary voice provided by Miramax). The U.S. version also cut a few nasty scenes in the villains underground lair, where we see kids in chains, eating human body parts as they are groomed to be members of his beastly army (They later are killed by Thief Catcher in a disturbing scene where they are shown urinating themselves as they writhe in pain). The relationships aren't real clearly defined in either version. Where, when and how did the baddie come to be? How did the Professor who invents the invisible cloak hook up with Yeoh's character? As children Wonder Woman and Invisible Woman apparently were training to be heroes - was this a relative, or benefactor of some kind? Yeoh (Invisible) couldn't hack it and left and later wound up with the villain (was she kidnapped or did she stumble upon his lair?). Thief Catcher was once a member of the Eunuch's group, but she escaped at age 15 (Though Yeoh's character told the Eunuch that she killed Chat). That this trio has a past together is laid out there, but it's all rather fuzzy on the details. In the original version everything works for the most part: The story and action and characters - I liked the big battle at the train station (with train crashing through the wall) and the villain throws these wicked needles that can burrow through to your heart (very cool and creepy idea). The one thing I wasn't too fond of was the humor/horror mix. Babies die, a woman is coldly gunned down and shot repeatedly (I'm expected to laugh when the comedic Thief Catcher rides in on a barrel to save the day? Sorry but I'm still in a little in shock over the cruel murder of an unarmed woman) The sub-titles are a little wonky - After the big battle at the end, Thief Catcher hands the trio cloaks, telling them that they want to look good for the "pass" (Obviously it was suppose to read "press"). There was a sequel set in a distopian future titled The Executioners, which did not receive the same glowing notices of the first. Hollywoodland Movie reviewed on the Superman Family Page The 1977 TV Pilot films: The Incredible Hulk and Death In The Family Reviewed on April 28th 2009 On May 23rd 1977, filming began on the pilot and set into motion one of the most successful and respected comic book based TV series. Director Kenneth Johnson originally didn't want to make this movie. He found the idea of the character a "ludicrous thing" (this coming from the man behind the "Six Million Dollar Man"?) He wasn't fond of Banner's first name and didn't want the Hulk to be green. He desired that the piece be adult themed and steeped in psychology, as if this wasn't already a factor in the comics (where Banner often received counseling from psychologist Doc Samson). Johnson didn't seem to understand that comics weren't simply for kids nor were they all stupid or absurd (Will Eisner intended his classic "Spirit" to appeal to an adult audience, to name just one). Despite Johnson's limited understanding and appreciation for the source material, his serious approach kept the Hulk from turning into another superhero show with camp tendencies (see Batman & Wonder Woman). The pilot is marked by thoughtful direction and camera work. It's intelligently written with a sober mindset that was much appreciated by this viewer. The movie sets up a new angle on the origin for Banner and the Hulk. In this version Bruce, er, David is haunted by the death of his wife (who he could not save after a car crash). He is trying to discover and tap into the inner strength he believes we all posses. Assisted by doctor Marks (Susan Sullivan), Banner eventually figures that Gamma is the key and he experiments on himself. Later that night, a hissy fit in the rain with a blown tire unleashes the creature within. Which in turn brings reporter Jack McGee (Jack Colvin) out of the woodwork. Bill Bixby was the perfect actor the carry this series each week. He comes off smart, has an impatient edge to him but also great warmth. He seems like someone you could instantly trust (important when you're meeting and bonding with new people each week). Though the Hulk is beyond any normal human being physically, Lou Ferrigno was great casting in going this rout. He has the size, both with musculature and in height - but as an actor he was able to convey both the rage as well as the child like aspects of the creature. (He wasn't the first choice and there is one scene were you can spot the original Hulk, Richard Kiel. He's the one looking up at the tree when the little girl is drowning). Sullivan is an asset in this film, she's confident with an undercurrent of kindness and wisdom. The movie introduces many staples that have since become identifiable with the character. The white eyes, the line "Don't make me angry, you wouldn’t like me when I'm angry". Joseph Harnell's score was also memorable, though sappy at times. As a whole, aside from some heavy-handed drama, the pilot holds up generally well after all these years. The pilot was shown on Nov 4th 1977, 20 days later CBS aired a second movie titled "Death in the Family" (the series debuted in March of 1978). This feature establishes what the series will become. While searching for a cure, David (believed killed in a fire caused by the Hulk in the first movie) finds work on a ranch and becomes embroiled in a nasty scheme within the family. He helps a young woman who is ill and has lost the use of her legs. William Daniels and Gerald McRaney (playing his usual dickweed) guest star. The film exposes faults with the overall concept and the tone of the show: As the series would go on, the forced, corny soapiness of the drama became a hindrance, and it became wearisome watching the same theme every week (guy wanders the country helping strangers as he continues on his quest. Inevitably someone pisses him off and opens up a can of whoopass... it's like "Kung Fu" with a big green giant). It also probably would have been better to have a General Ross type involved, someone who could pose a tangible and serious danger to Banner, rather than having him dogged by a trashy tabloid reporter (Colvin was a fine actor but McGee was more an annoyance, and provided no physical threat). I got pretty tired watching the Hulk shoving regular Joe's around like throw pillows. In truth, the series was buoyed by Bixby's acting, and whether each individual story held any interest. In the case with Death, the story isn't one of their finest. It's not particularly engaging; screenplay and direction is rather cookie cutter. The performance by lead actress Laurie Prange is syrupy and screechy to the point where it becomes laughable, and even Bix is hammy at times (the speech to hobo Michael in the woods when he attempts to convince him to help). Speaking of laughable, the fight with the bear: Oh man, green paint rubs off on the real Grizzly and when Hulk throws the bear's stand-in -a ragged stuffed animal- across the forest... what a hoot! Weak movie but at least I got some laughs out of it. Of the 2, the first film is smarter, more sophisticated and the one to watch. The Incredible Hulk Returns (TV movie) Originally Reviewed on June 23 2008 In the late 70s Marvel attempted to gain a toehold on TV with little to fair success. The Nicholas Hammond Spiderman series, Reb Brown as Captain America and even Dr. Strange. But their biggest hit came with the Incredible Hulk. 6 years after the end of that series Marvel once again tried to tap into TV (just as DC was making another stab at a big screen blockbuster with Batman) What better way to do this but piggyback on their best rated effort and bring back the Hulk! The first movie was titled The Incredible Hulk Returns and it was going to act as a pilot for a Thor series. The problem was that the Hulk TV series was not tied into the Marvel universe. The Producer had no interest in the Marvel comic, Hulk didn't fight super villains, he usually pushed non-powered baddies around, crashed through walls, and hilariously bent metal objects that would start to bend before he barely got a hold of it. Suddenly merging the real world feel of the TV show, with the fantastic world of comics felt off kilter. Bill Bixby's David Banner standing along side the Mighty Thor just didn't work. But I would have gone with it, heck I'd rather see Hulk fight colorful baddies than push aside a grumpy Gerald McRaney, if the film was good... it's not. The story... well there is no story. There's a weak stab at a plot with an nasty Tim Thomerson trying to steal a Gamma device that Banner needs to save himself, truth is the only reason for this movie is to bring Thor and Hulk together. The one thing I really enjoyed? Eric Allan Kramer was a great Thor, just great. He's larger than life and blustery. Though not as layered an actor as Bixby, the brash comic booky tone he brought to the role was a lot of fun. When he confronts newspaper reporter Jack McGee, it was funny as hell. For the most part though, the script lies there like a wet rag. People stand around and talk and explain things. The big battle between the titans was lame and tame (Oh how I hope the Avengers movie gives us an epic Hulk/Thor smash off). Back to top of page The Trial of the Incredible Hulk (TV movie) Originally Reviewed on June 23 2008 A year after "Return" it was Daredevil's turn to co-host in the Trial of the Incredible Hulk This one had a much fuller story: Banner is accused of murder and Matt Murdock is there to defend him. But despite this it's even worse than the first. For one, Bill Bixby directs it and it kind of looks like one of his episodes of Sledge Hammer. I love Bix, but as a director he sometimes lingers too long on a shot and he's not very good at staging fights and what's with the sped up camera thing he does (at times)? It never felt like a professionally made movie Lou, sweet Lou's face has thinned out and elongated over the years. He kind of looks like Iggy Pop - In fact I couldn't help but toss in a few Iggy Pop riffs here and there. "Hulk's bored, Hulk's chairman of the bored!" The Daredevil costume is laughable; he looks like a ninja all in black with knee pads, short boots and a weird ill-fitting mask. I don't know why producers have problems with the red costume and horns. It wasn't until Raimi's Spiderman was a success that the makers of the big screen D.D. allowed the director to go ahead and make him red. Also 70s pop teen heartthrob, Rex Smith is a bland Murdock. He's too slick. The film wants to be gritty but puts someone so clean and pretty at the lead? John Rhys-Davies is a top notched actor but his version of the Kingpin suffers the same problem. He's too smooth, there's nothing street-tough about him and why the hell did they make him this quirky media obsessed wacko? He views everything through TV monitors and has everything filmed as if he thinks he's a director. It was nucking futs! That kind of describes the movie in a nut shell. It's a very weak piece of the Hulk puzzle. The Death of the Incredible Hulk (TV movie) Originally Reviewed on July 4 2008 The Hulk goes out on a high note. Unlike the horrid Daredevil flick, or the fun but empty Thor movie that preceded this. While there are no guest heroes sharing the bill (Though with a few adjustments, they could have easily slipped in the Black Widow as the female lead), there actually is a story here, well told and filled with interesting characters. Plus it fits in with the texture of the TV show more so than the previous 2. Bill Bixby directs and his work is much smoother than that seen in Trail of the Incredible Hulk. The story is old hat; David is still trying to use another scientist's work to help him find a cure. But here it opens with Banner without his wits and working as a janitor at a laboratory. It's effective because for a second there I wondered if something really had happened to David and that it wasn't simply a ruse. We are then shown Banner slipping into the lab and then later, the scientist himself discovers that it is Banner who is secretly adding to his work (He's experimenting on creating a healing stimulant in the body) After clearing the air, the Doctor offers to help David. In a sub plot, a Russian terrorist group plans to steal the scientist's work. Their reluctant female agent later falls for Banner and the title tells it all so I wont be letting any secrets slip - While trying to stop the baddies, the Hulk boards a plane, causes it to explode and falls to his death. David's final words... "I am free". This really was a well told, touching tale. Bill Bixby's tragic death to cancer ended plans for other made for TV fare (The plot here proposes that aside from a cataclysmic event, the Hulks ability to heal makes him almost immortal) but I think more movies would have cheapened the effect of this one. While I am saddened by Bill's death and that is far more important than any film. Ending the saga in this way was appropriate. The only bummer - No extras on the disc. It's the final film, Bill Bixby has passed away and you can't come up with anything as a tribute? Hulk (2003) Originally Reviewed on August 8th 2006 While Ang Lee’s Hulk has slightly more fresh than rotten reviews at the "Tomato", Internet forums and bloggers have not been as appreciative. Me, I love it. I love the psychology and the old school (Hitchcockian) way it meshes art and entertainment. I love the juxtaposition of the serious with the absurd. Lee hasn't made the perfect Super Hero flick the way Raimi did with Spidey. Indeed he went in another direction and created a profoundly breathtaking and unconventional work of beauty. It's pop art, cerebral but trippy -resplendent in distinctive washes and intersecting panels. The bit before Bruce first turns into Hulk is like being in a laser light show, as purples and greens merge in an acid trip explosion of color and design. It's a bit of 60s Steranko come to life. A closer look at those ingenious directorial touches: Having drawn comics myself, I like how Lee taps into the style of a comic book artist. He uses various angels and perspectives in his panels to tell the story. For example, in a scene where Bruce's mother tells her husband that she is pregnant. Lee splits the screen in two. In doing so he give us the objective and subjective points of view. We therefore become both voyeurs and participants in the scene. In addition to that, the use of washes and panels to move from one scene to the next fosters a dreamlike, off kilter atmosphere. Which is similar to what Hitchcock did with his frequent use of fade-outs in Rear Window, in order to give it an otherworldly and disjointed tone. Despite the stories use of cold science, the movie is earthy. In several washes the scenes shift as if made from water. In another, a plant springs forth to reveal a new sequence. The Mushroom cloud imagery is another prevalent theme. From the blood seen spilling from the palm of Banner's father, to the overload of energy manifested in the final battle. Even the music is organic in nature. This is Danny Elfman's most mature work. I was entranced from the opening "stair step" wind instruments , and later the drum beats and chanting vocals which again, contributes to the Earthy, dreamy feel of the movie. As for CGI, it's simply another tool. Like rear projection, matte paintings, etc, and I have no problem with the look of the piece. The Hulk is like no creature on Earth. A man in a costume or painted green isn't going to be able to convey the same sense of unrelenting power. When the creature breaks free from the military base and faces his foes in combat, it's truly frightening. The Hulk tosses tanks aside like tissue and his rage and power is incredibly and convincingly conveyed. But at its heart, this is a movie with heart and passion. When Bruce reveals how he "likes it" when his angry side takes over, knowing how locked up the character has been all his life, the sentiment rings frighteningly true. And unlike Spider-Man and Batman, the love interest is equal, if not stronger than the male lead. Jennifer Connelly is amazing. When she looks at the Hulk from her seat in the helicopter; she doesn't have to give a wordy speech, her face says it all. There is great compassion, longing and concern. I could feel the aching of her heart. I must also give praise to Nick Nolte. Watching him I was reminded of a class I took in psychology; were I was shown text written by psychotic personalities. The pieces often seemed poetic, beautiful. But closer examination revealed that it was all nonsense. Nolte's performance delivers this same kind of madness. His disjointed rambling gives the indication of a great mind shattered to pieces; and that's damn scary. At times there seems to be some real humanity in him, but it's buried deep under years of obsession and loss. When Nolte speaks of killing his wife, of how she and knife seemed to merge and in an instant he caused the end of someone who meant everything to him. It was one of the most heartfelt and haunting moments I've ever seen in any movie. It literally leaves a chill down my spine and a tear in my eye. Also, when father and son meet at the end and Nolte shifts from comforting father, to raving lunatic (imitating Bruce's screams of anguish) it is uncomfortably funny. I laugh, but boy, there is something scary and seriously wrong with the man. The Hulk is one of my favorite films, of this or any genre. And it has only grown in stature with each viewing. The look of the piece, the acting, script and direction has left a deep and lasting impression upon me. The Incredible Hulk (2008) Originally Reviewed on July 4 2008 This version cuts out most of the brain and adds more action, and while it works for the most part, I have so many nagging little nit picks with it that keep me from enjoying the feature in full. As a character the Hulk has proven to be a transitory figure. One that has been explored in many ways, shapes and forms, as well as colors. Ang Lee was accused of drawing outside the lines, while in truth he explored the psychological aspects seen in the Bill Mantilo/Peter David runs (which lasted well over 10 years) - This cerebral, Oedipal tale (in the comic Robert Banner was jealous of his wife's love for their son and became abusive) didn't click with the public, who seemed to prefer the TV version with Bill Bixby, even though that clearly existed outside the Marvel universe. So in the relaunch director Louis Leterrier (The Transporter) amps up the action, which is something he's adept at. And threads a connection to the television show, which felt like pandering. When I heard pieces of the Hulk TV theme and mention of reporter Jack McGee, I didn't feel a wave of nostalgic warmth, but rather had the thought, "Yeesh, that's bloody corny!" (It just doesn't click with me; tying a movie steeped in the Marvel world, with a TV show which distanced itself from that world) The first part of the movie works well. Bruce is hiding out in Brazil, trying to control the beast with the help of a scientist (via the net) in the States. An accident though, alerts General Ross and his band of military thugs. Edward Norton not surprisingly, is very good as Banner. He seems a little uncomfortable in his own skin, a bit lost but has enough where-with-all to keep fighting. And that's a nice balance he's struck for the character. As for William Hurt's General Ross, I was very surprised to see how effective an a-hole he was. I think Hurt's a good actor, but I always found him a little cold and distant (and I hate that mumbley voice of his) but here he seethes with inner rage, the guys a royal dick head! Joining Ross is a Russian soldier (with a British accent) played by Tim Roth. Roth with a rat like personality to match his rat like face does well playing the arrogant jerk that will become the Abomination. During the chase and first confrontation with the creature the film bristles with pulse pounding excitement. The creature is seen in shadow; through steam and all of this builds a nice scary atmosphere to heighten the tension. After Bruce makes his escape, we are shown the after effects with Banner looking small and fragile. All of this makes for an impressive start. Then the cracks start to show. The second act sags, scenes with the Pizza guy and the reunion with Betty drag and the film loses energy. Primarily because these bits don't play to Leterrier's strengths, partially because Liv Tyler (Betty) is not as strong an actress as the previous one to play the part (As with Ed Norton, Jennifer Connelly can say more with a single expression, than Tyler can with an entire monolog) . I never felt a strong connection between the two. The relationship lacked the honesty and depth that was seen in Ang Lee's version. The other problem I have with the film is that it looks grimy. Even the FX... The complaint was that the '03 version was too clean, well here they go overboard in the other direction. The Hulk looks like he's constructed of wet uncooked poultry that's been kick around a lot. The scene during the storm, when Hulk takes Betty to some rocky cliffs - this sequence features some of the ugliest cinematography I'd ever seen. And all of this distracted me. I kept wishing it was a little cleaner, a lot clearer and that the Hulk didn't look like a meat-bag who'd taken a bath in motor oil. I wasn't too fond of the sex scene, or lack thereof (So now any emotional response will trigger the change? Why then didn't the frantic, panicked chase through the streets do the same... It wasn't until he was hit and "got angry" that he transformed). It was a cheap device done for a cheap laugh. Anyway, the movie gets going again at the end. There is some humor with Mr. Blue, and thought I hated the design of the Abomination, his power was frightening and the fight between he and the Hulk was solid. I don't like how the Hulk just left the beast for the military to handle (I understand the idea that he needed to control his rage, but logically General Ross has never been able to hold the Hulk, he sure as hell wont be able to cage the stronger -at least in comic lore- Abomination) Overall The Incredible Hulk is a mixed bag, not that this stuns me. The director's a one trick pony and when he sticks to what he does best (action, some light comedy) the movie soars. When he attempts to stretch himself with the romantic angles, it comes off phony. Then there are all the little things, like the look of the movie and the pandering to the TV show, that bother me enough to dampen my enjoyment. The Incredible Hulk is good but flawed and I'm going to turn against the tide of conventional thought and embrace Lee's art house Hulk, as the superior Hulk. Hulk Vs. Originally Reviewed on January 27th 2009 Hulk smash... And smash, and smash and smash! So what else was I to expect from a DVD titled Hulk Vs. Divided in two 40 +/- minute segments, the big draw is likely the Wolverine episode but for me it was the fight with the mighty Thor I was looking forward too. And while it doesn't live up to some of the awe inspiring battles the two fought in the pages of the comics, it had its moments. (Thor gets his licks in but is knocked around a bit too much and basically has his butt handed to him far too easily) The story is old hat - Loki posses the body of the Hulk then wallops on the Asgard's finest before the big rumble with the God of thunder. Eventually the God of mischief loses control of the Hulk -who seems intent on destroying Asgard- and Loki must team up with Thor to keep the end times from occurring. The movie is okay though pretty basic. It is better than all the Avenger and Iron Man animated releases, on par with Dr. Strange. Voice work is fair, Matt Wolf is notable as Thor, coming off both confident and compassionate, he sounds a bit like Luke Goss (Hellboy II). The art, well once again it's fair. I didn't like the boxy, blocked bodies and features. Hela comes off the best due in part to Jack Kirby's impressive design. They also seem to be going for the Edward Norton look with Banner. Thor fans will enjoy spotting all the characters from the comic; they do honor the Norse Gods Marvel history well. In Wolverine, the diminutive one can't go head to head with Hulk the way Thor can, but he's tenacious and heals fast. Which means the big green can wail on Logan all he wants and wail he does. It's violent and bloody as all get out which was appropriate - but truly; this is less a Hulk story and more a Wolverine featurette. The story gets right into it, Wolverine is sent to bring in the Hulk who went on a rampage in Canada (or did he?). Of the two stories on this disc, this one works the best. Logan is an interesting character and voiced nicely by Steve Blum. I enjoyed the animation more, though some of the movement is choppy. It's overall less 'Saturday morning cartoon' than Thor, plus the Hulk looks much better here. Wolverine is in his classic yellow's and that was cool. Logan's classic villains are there as well. Sabertooth, Lady Deathstrike, Omega Red and Deadpool (who is hilarious by the way). There are many quotes to past Wolverine/Hulk stories, which made this very fan friendly. In summary, the DVD delivers on its title. Though I was looking forward to the tale of Thor, Wolverine is the better of the two in all phases: Animation, voice, humor and battle. Despite the open ending, it is this 37 minute segment that makes the release worth buying. And stay to the end of the credits on Wolverine for a cute punch line. Planet Hulk Originally Reviewed on February 2nd 2010 "Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?" - Captain Oveur, "Airplane" You're enjoyment of this release might depend on whether you're a fan of gladiators or monster truck rallies – of which I am neither. I didn't even care for the popular Russell Crowe vehicle "Gladiator" and in truth the only film from this genre I’ve ever liked was "Spartacus"... and Planet Hulk is no Spartacus. The story opens with a couple of the mightiest supers (including Iron Man and Dr. Strange) blasting Hulk off to a distant planet because he's too violent and dangerous to stay on Earth. His ship goes off-course and ends up in a hostile world where he becomes slave and savior to an oppressed people. The first half is dull and routine: Sandwiched between a couple of gladiator battles, we are offered several back-stories for our various allies and foes. The need for this info was important - that it's presented in such a 'paint-by-numbers' manner defeats it. I never really felt for these folks or their plight. It's nice that the Hulk has some development of character and isn't only a smashing machine - and there are good moments in the second half – ala the interplay and battle between Hulk and the King's female bodyguard, which leads to an attack on a village. Still, it's too little, too late. The animation is impressive and the voice work is very good. There are changes made from the source material, the biggest having the Silver Surfer replaced with Beta Ray Bill. Rights issues forced this replacement and while it's nice to see Bill in animated form (and he looks sharp), I had a "didn't I just see this?" moment. Watching Hulk pound Beta's face-in, in much the same manner he did to Thor in "Hulk Vs." was too much similarity in too short a span. In closing: I'm tired of the Hulk, he's been a primary force in Marvel's last 3 direct to DVD releases and I wish they'd put him out to pasture for a while. I'm also tired of director Sam Liu. I felt his Thor segment in Hulk Vs was merely okay; I didn’t care a wit for Public Enemies and now this one, which I'd file under "M’eh". Hurt by a limp set-up and an ordinary finishing fight between Hulk and the King - "Planet Hulk" never got under my skin and rarely excited or interested me. It was something to watch, a time killer. Nothing more. 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