 Road House
Release Date: July 21, 2006
Riffer: Mike Nelson
New from Legend films, it's Mike Nelson's Rifftrax! Simply download Mike's commentary (for a nominal fee), pop in a copy of the movie and away you go. This is a brilliant, fun idea; so how did it work? Quite nicely- I did have a few minor issues with drifting, but it wasn't too difficult to keep the riffs and movie in synch and there's a voice over narrator named, "DisembAudio", who helps maintain order if your a little off.
The riffing, well the riffing was a blast. I believe Mike has always wanted to quip on this flick and he doesn't waste the opportunity. Highlights include hilarious jabs directed at Swayze's constant shirt-less-ness and his kung fu moves... "Clearly, he has studied with the great master - Pat Morita".
One interesting aside is that the movie is rated "R" and there's lots of nudity. Despite this, Mike keeps his humor at PG levels, and in fact, one the funniest bits for me were the jokes said during Swayzes big love scene with co-star Kelly Lynch.
This was pretty solid material and I'd strongly recommend checking it out for yourself at... Rifftrax.com. If sales are good we could receive Rifftrax with Mike and a few friends; which would be heaven if those friends have names like, Kevin, Bill, maybe Joel, Trace....
 The 5th Element
Release Date: August 1, 2006
Riffer: Mike Nelson
"I've always wondered what clown tastes like?"
The Fifth Element is one of those motion pictures -while savaged by the press- has developed a hearty fan base among the common folk. Count me among its number of fans. I find it wild, imaginative and unlike many dark and pessimistic futuristic tales; Element is a bright cornucopia of primary color. With a positive message that promotes the idea that, "All you need is love".
While I enjoyed the movie, I thought Mike's treatment was a hoot. The opening sequence in particular was tackled with brilliance. - "He stole Bobby Brown's Church clothes!" - The flick was featured on one of MST3Ks summer blockbuster specials, and Mike draws from that (the various "Clown" quips). He also keeps pecking away at Kevin Federline (God bless you for that Mr. Nelson) and taps into "Lord of the Rings" a number of times for material.
After this good start, Mike's riffing hits a nice middle ground. At times he repeats a good joke one too many times (still, with Federline, you got to do it) and the interplay between him and DisembAudio is a little over played this time out. Despite these nit picks, this isn't bad for an early Mike solo-piece.
 Cocktail
Release Date: August 29, 2006
Riffer: Mike Nelson
"Are those his actual clothes or did he just join Spandau Ballet?"
Though Mike has gone on to record better trax (this is no "The Happening") at the point of its release I was pretty fond of this one. The Scientology, Katie Holmes, couch jumpin' quips were at the time, still fresh and funny - Never the less, in context with what Mr. Nelson was doing at this time, this was a solid trax. If the Legend commentaries are Mike's KTMA, these early peices are his Season 1s.
Anyway, aside from crushing Cruise (in which I rejoiced in glee), he also taps into his own experiences from working at TGI Fridays and makes several funny callbacks to "Road House". Mike's work is more topical here than what he did with MST3K -He references Sumner Redstone and takes a deliciously wicked jab at Mel Gibson- which might date the effort in later years. Then again, the classic SCTV was very topical and its humor hasn't become stale. As for DisembAudio, he/it is less obtrusive than he was in "The Fifth Element", but also gets in one good zinger.
Despite having to sit through this wretched movie (Bryan Brown's character really bugged me) the laughter I received was a soothing balm. "Cheers!"
 xXx
Release Date: September 6, 2006
Riffer: Mike Nelson
"His acting conveys his sleepiness"
Triple X is a high-octane action thriller, which stars the lumpy Vin Diesel, the sexy Asia Argento and the melty Samuel L. Jackson. The movie’s one of the better ones from the Rifftrax selections - in that I could watch it without having that aching desire to hang myself intruding every minute or so (as with Road House and Cocktail).
Unfortunately, it also is the weakest of the bunch in terms of laughs. That’s not to say that I didn't get a big kick out of Mikes work, I did. It just wasn’t one of his most relentlessly hysterical. What I liked about “xXx” was how I was able to relate to Mikes sentiments on the film. He’s a family man in the same age bracket as I, and like Mike, I also found Vin’s Xander to be an idiot punk (especially in those early scenes), the music of Rammstein baffling and I would eagerly enjoy backhanding Bill Maher too! Mr. Nelson, we are on the same wavelength.
The best bits were the simplest. Mocking Diesel’s manner of acting (the use of the sound, Duuuuh has never been funnier) and I liked how Mike would tease the overdone explosions, by speculating on the exploded objects containing all manner of odd combustible. So you can see how even a minor rifftrax effort can still give major laughs.
 Crossroads
#12 in Mighty Jack's Top 30
Release Date: September 15, 2006
Riffer: Mike Nelson
Britney Spears road picture Crossroads is ripe for the picking, it’s the perfect riffable flick and Mike had me roaring to the point where I was squeezing tears from my eyes. Part of the fun came from blasting Britney herself. There certainly is a lot of material to plumb and Mike doesn’t skimp on any of it. From observations on her paper-thin vocals -”Singing, or articulated moaning?”- to her abilities as an actress -“Is she trying to be coy or is she just borderline retarded?”-
Another great part of this rifftrax are the hilarious references. Kent McCord, William Hung and former Packer and prisoner, Mark Chmura, are some of the funnier ones - but when Mike made a brilliant point about Buster Poindexter I about died. That is one of the most hysterical, clever quips he's made in his career as a bad movie commentator. I loved this trax, and found it packed with full out, sidesplitting quips. Mike's best solo work.
 X-Men
Release Date: September 22, 2006
Riffers: Mike Nelson & Bill Corbett
Mike is joined by Bill Corbett and for the first time the duo let loose on a pretty decent movie. Would it work? For the most part the answer to that question is yes.
It isn't the strongest Rifftrax of the bunch. There are a lot of gaps and I’d speculate it's the most sparsely quipped of the bunch thus far. Bill might surprise with how subdued he sounds as this isn’t him doing the angry Crow of lore. He never the less is darn funny and gets in some of the best lines. When a bald fighter is introduced as “Your savior”, Bill states that he always imagined Jesus having more hair. He also got me laughing with jokes about his dentist and by doing an appropriately placed Harvey Fierstein imitation.
What didn’t work were the rare moments when they attack the movie. Implying that doing this film (generally held in high regard and a box office smash) somehow diminished Patrick Stewarts standing as an actor, isn't funny because it doesn’t ring true. Mocking the unreal reality falls flat as well. It's a comic book and the fantastic is all par for the course. Lastly, the Cerebro/Magneto exchanges are about as inspired as Letterman’s Oprah/Uma joke at the Oscars.
Despite these hiccups, when Mike and Bill concentrated on irony or making literal observations (as with the Jesus line), the two proved even a good film can be riffed with success. And there's also something special when your movie opens a scene with the words... “In the not too distant future
 Top Gun
Release Date: September 29th, 2006
Riffers: Mike Nelson & Bill Corbett
"Is it still considered banter if it's devoid of all wit?" - Mike
For The first time I find myself disappointed with a Rifftrax. I had high hopes for this one, but the riffing is even sparser than X-Men, with fewer big guffaws. Yes, I enjoyed the lack of PC humor – quips about how gay the movie is, and Bill’s comment about Indians. I enjoyed the way they made fun of the stupid nicknames (Captain Fun was my favorite) and the tedious-as well as confusing-air battles. I liked the nod to another boring fighter pilot film -The MSTed Starfighters- when Mike makes a comment about having ”The sex”. All of these jokes are very... cute, though not especially hilarious. Maybe they’ve spoiled me. Sending me through uproarious hysterics is what I’ve come to expect from Mike and his comrades and Top Gun doesn’t deliver.
Even the Scientology jokes wear thin. I loved them in Cocktail but it’s like Servo said during Godzilla vs Megalon when the giant lizard repeated that flying kick thing, “Yeah, yeah, we seen it already... it was funny the first time”. The movies a bad joke with its trite plotting, puerile stabs at humor and Tom’s irksome grin -"He unsheathed his teeth!"- This should have been pure gold and that the end results provide merely a chuckle-fest feels like a wasted opportunity.
 Point Break
Release Date: October 10, 2006
Riffer: Mike Nelson
"It was Asper, the friendly ghost!"
Mike goes solo this time out and the results are miles better than what he did with Bill on Top Gun. Point Break is an asinine film, idiotic in every way. It raises Mike justifiable ire and he savagely rips into every stupid plot point, bad acting and limited dialog that comes his (and our) way.
The movie opens with the merging of our lead actors names and Mike gets in a beautiful quip when he calls it "A harmonic conversion of cheesiness". Right then and there I knew I was in for a good time. Mike takes the easy and obvious shots but hey, they work: Keanu's bad acting gets a going over (and my Lord, he is especially bad here) I howled when Nelson suggests that the plywood people in the film served as Reeves acting coaches!
Lori Petty, as grating as ever, is often confused for a dude and Swayze receives some nice callbacks to Mike's earlier work on Road House. Only the slams on Gary Busey didn't always click for me (Though the comment about his teeth was hilarious).
The script consists of mostly 3 words: An F-Bomb, the S-Bomb and "Whoa!" - When Keanu's Johnny Utah repeats the S-Bomb and Whoa over and over during a sky diving sequence, Mike finds it an odd time to quote Maya Angelou (LMAO!)
I also absolutely adored the return of a couple of old MST reoccurring riffs: The "You taste Like..." and the, "He died as he lived..." lines make a welcome return. All told this was a solid, enjoyable release.
 Halloween
Release Date: October 19, 2006
Riffers: Mike Nelson & Kevin Murphy
"Look, Free-Range mental patients” – Kevin
Kevin returns and that’s great news, considering how well he and Mike clicked for Star Trek V – Halloween is a better film than the last one they covered but their riff-work is equally as brilliant.
The duo take Carpenter to task for continuity problems (Exposing the differing weather conditions and time zones in the same scene was especially funny) – They make a good point of noting how the director lingers too long on certain shots and how the friends in the film seem to loathe one another.
But the real spark comes from the two simply adding their own skewed mindset to whatever’s on the screen. In Mike and Kevin’s version of the movie, Darth Vader accidentally wanders on the set; Billy Corrigan discovers his true calling and the opening sequence-which becomes a conversation between Debbie (?) and John Carpenter-had me holding my sides in huge fits of laughter.
Other bright spots: Kevin quotes an obscure Beatles tune ("I'll Be On My Way"); the insiders debate on the appropriate response to hearing a Chris De Burgh song (Mike once tossed Kev’s Servo at the screen for singing “Don’t Pay The Ferryman” during show #618); the hilarious line, ”You’re kidding me! Someone went back in time and ripped off John Carpenter’s ‘The Thing’?”, and the various quips concerning the near comatose little girl, Lindsey.
 The Grudge
Release Date: November 10, 2006
Riffers: Mike Nelson & Kevin Murphy
“You gotta try this acid, son” - Kevin
Though not a rollicking rifftrax rollercoaster like Star Wars, The Grudge still provides ample quantities of humor. The biggest and brightest bit comes right at the beginning of the film as Mike tries to convince Kevin that his nickname back in school was, “The Grudge”. The banter between he and Kevin (who did some research which seems to contradict Mike’s boast) had me doubled over with gales of laughter. Soon after this exchange, Kev wets ‘em at the very first scare. Priceless.
Mister's Nelson and Murphy spend the rest of the movie confused by the pointless story, making Yoko Ono quips and referencing several moments from their MST3K days (from Prince of Space to Gamera). I loved the jokes directed at the crazy old lady and the creepy little kid (I roared when a character was on the elevator and Kevin had the blue boy asking things like… ”Hi lady, could you get me some underpants?”-) and got a kick out of how Mike would say -“And with that… Goodnight”- when the movie would make a quick cut to black after every scary moment.
When all the laughs are tallied up The Grudge comes out a winner. These guys are doing an excellent job with the Horror genre.
Island of Dr. Moreau
Release Date: December 1, 2006
Riffers: Mike Nelson & Kevin Murphy
”You know, there are times when I almost think this film is kind of silly” – Kevin.
Though this release was not among my favorites, I stuck with it because I quickly discovered that a huge laugh could be found just around the corner - primarily when M&K tackled my favorite actor, Marlon Brando. This is one of Marlon's most eccentric performances and the guys never let him off the hook. From his strange makeup (he wears lipstick on only half of his mouth?) to his ice bucket hat! The imitations are classic, and a reference to “Last Tango in Paris” had me doing a spit take.
Val Kilmer also took a well deserved beating for his stoned out acting -”We call this brokeback island” – Kevin. And Mike’s frustration with hearing yet another “Rice of Pipple” speech was a nice MSTed callback.
 Firewall
Release Date: December 8, 2006
Riffers: Mike Nelson & Kevin Murphy
“He seems to be the idiot savant of self incrimination” - Mike
I never knew that Harrison Ford was so funny. But in Mike and Kevin's hands he's a treasure trove of laughter. The best part of this computer/robbery actioner are all the riffs inspired by the actor. His age, his haircut, the way he slips into past roles (Especially the one where he spouts, "Get off my plane!"). The way his head is full of change and how he always looks too darned exhausted to act... "I'll just sit here looking wrinkled and grumpy" - Mike. All of this is a gas; and I haven't mentioned Fords wonderful, "Daily Affirmation"!
Aside from Harrison, we are gifted with a couple of cute Alan Arkin imitations and several Terminator jokes at Robert Patrick's expense. The two also take notice of all the foreshadowing early on.
Also, Mike makes more personal confessions: About his boss at Taco Johns as well as how the movie ruined his long planned "Flintstone" inspired screenplay. Oh, and there's a character named Cox. It goes without saying that this name is run through the mud by movies end ;)
 Nestor: The Long Eared Christmas Donkey
#19 in Mighty Jack's Top 30
Release Date: December 19, 2006
Riffer: Mike Nelson
“Depressed yet?” - Mike as Narrator
This 20 minute Christmas special from Rankin/Bass is a gas and the workover it receives ranks right up there with the MST3K Christmas episodes in terms of pure comedic gold. But dark; Whoo-wee, Mike is harsh but hysterical.
Some of Mikes best biting remarks include pointing out that Elves are drunken half wits, and that Gods mission for Nestor includes running a package out of Mexico. ROFLMA!!
The sections where he tackles Roger Miller's inane tune, left this songwriter in stitches. This is an instant classic. A non stop riot and highly recommended.
 Reign of Fire
Release Date: December 21, 2006
Riffers: Mike Nelson & Kevin Murphy
"Yay! I get to sleep in the same room with a depressed hairy man" – Kevin.
As with Dr. Moreau, The actors in Reign of Fire are not immune to the duos scathing barbs. The pan fried and oiled Matthew McConaughey chews the scenery, swaggers and as Mike and Kev observe, speaks like Jody Foster and moves just like John Belushi in Animal House!
The bits about “Incomprehensible panic yelling” was priceless because it sums up the entire movie in a nutshell. The two also take the film to task for being so unrelentingly dark and bleak. Also, I loved the riffing whenever the kids were involved. It was very funny when 2 men stage a Star Wars play for them and Kevin uses the opportunity to bash Lucas as a childish bearded freak. LMAO! Overall a solid effort.
 Daredevil
#21 in Mighty Jack's Top 30
Release Date: January 18th, 2007
Riffers: Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy & Bill Corbett
"Is that the movie, or am I having one of my psychotic
episodes" - Bill
There is a certain chemistry that exists between particular people, which results in in a quick, easy artistic explosion. I believe it's undeniable that Bill, Kevin and Mike have that chemistry, they work like a well oiled machine. The three play off one another with impeccable timing and camaraderie.
This is in full display in the Marvel comics super adventure, Daredevil. The smooth back and forth banter is in full glide right from the start; as Bill and Kevin toss volleys over Colin Farrell's credit, which leads to an exchange between Mike and Bill over Jon Favreau and Elf. Later, Mike makes Kev laugh with his Jay Leno imitation.
I'm one of those rare folks who enjoyed Daredevil, but even so, the trio make a strong case for those who
don't: From observations on how being blind can allow someone to defy the laws of physics to Mike smartly proclaiming that DD probably shouldn't loudly display
his weak spot to the bad guys. The non stop fly bys,excessive CGI (I'm not a CGI basher, but they really over did it with this movie - The comic book cover inspired shot with DD on the Church top would have been more effective with an actor) and improbable leaps (Comments about DDs shattered ankles abound) are all
noted with impunity as is the state of Ben Affleck's acting and his romances (though I do think the Ben and Jen bashing got exsessive and unfunny).
Add in Mike's Batman references, jokes about the answering machine message left by a girlfriend, Bills sparkling rendition of "Eleanor Rigby" (Marvelized marvelously) and the various "radar sense"/Blind jokes ("If only I could hear her underwear" - Bill. Mike's lines about Ray Charles fighting Diana Ross and the "Radar" O'Riley super powers) and Daredevil is
quickly propelled into classic status!
 Battlefield Earth
Release Date: January 28, 2007
Riffers: Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy & Bill Corbett
On the horrid Battlefield Earth, MK&B lay Travolta's hammy performance to waste, their mocking laughter (teasing Travolta's over the top cackling) was music to my ears. The movies such a painful unwatchable mess, that Bill's Moses inspired line -"Let the audience go!"- was not only hilarious, but echoed my own sentiments to a tee. I could hardly sit through this garbage. Were it not for the Bill, Kev and Mike, I might have gone mad from the sheer stupidity of the film.
The flick inspires much anger and disdain, and nobody does anger and disdain better than Corbett. Bill takes the old chestnut "Oh, that's gotta hurt" to new, derisive, side splitting heights. His tirade on a vision of hell is a riot. But least I slight Mike, He matches Bill on a tirade of his own concerning cave dwellers and their skills as jet pilots.
Though I feel there were too many huge gaps in the funny, there is still much to enjoy: Disembaudio's laugh track was pure genius, illustrating what a true joke this movie is. An Electric Company and Goldfinger reference, a growing hatred for the color blue and a great riff about bulk maling when a long tongued girl appears on screen, all add to the fun. But my favorite moment by far, was Mike's complaint... "How can a grown man wear a jump suit. Even for an acting job it's undignified!" - Classic, simply classic!
 Troll 2
Release Date: February 2, 2007
Riffers: Mike Nelson & Rich Kyanka
“Wow, country hospitality tastes like crap!” - Rich
Troll 2 is pure MST3K style film badness - and I must say, that I really enjoyed watching this return to this kind of rich cheesiness. The poor production values, wooden acting, amature hour script and SFX... it truly warmed my cockles.
And speaking of Rich, Mike is joined this time out by "Something Awful's" Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka. (Who wrote about this movie as well: Troll 2 Review). While Rich's delivery isn't up to gold standards, once I got used to him, I found him a decent riffmate for Mr. Nelson. He vocalized many of the best jokes: From those concerning "Dragons and Storks", Clay Aiken and a "Nut eating" father. He even endears himself to us MSTies by referencing "Teenage Crime Wave".
Of course, Mike is sharp as always. His Twilight Zone fueled bon mot -"Have you ever served man, honey?"- was inspired, as was his observation about a kid wearing a serious "Deniro face". Of course, the low brow humor was just as funny. As when Mike has the dad all excited about, "An RV full of naked boys!" (He also makes a reference to "Something Awful" - but feels bad about it afterwords. lol)
Troll is a grade Z treasure. It's a troll movie without Trolls. Filled to the brim with lots of backward jokes (literally), lots of pissing on hospitality and lots of laughs.
 Over the Top
Release Date: February 16, 2007
Riffer: Mike Nelson
“Great! Thanks to this movie I now know what Stallone looks like constipated!"”
Aside from a group of spectacular episodes and a small handful of weak ones, Rifftrax has mostly settled into a nice comfortable groove. Over the Top, a Sly Stallone melodrama, which Mike riffs solo, fits into that groove. Not one of my top 10, but with laughs a plenty. I enjoyed the jabs at the beard and suspenders early on, and the smack down put on the films big finish is stellar stuff.
The movies premise is predictable (The estranged father/son dynamic) and damn silly (its feeble attempt to convince us that arm wrestling is somehow compelling). There are Kenny Loggins laced montages and insipid pep talks (You gotta take what you want – and Mike illustrates the absurdity of such a blanket statement nicely). The whole wrestling/trucking theme is flayed to perfection (“You just lowered my income potential”) with Stallone impressions, references to Brute cologne and parallels to “Road House” all helping in the plus department.
The minuses are few. Mike repeates a nose hair line within the span of a few seconds and while the first Lindsey Lohan line was a riot, the second felt like desperation. Never-the-less, when you tally up the pros and cons, Over the Top is for the most part, a success. Especially with that cute callback to “Megaweapon”; heck, even Disembaudio gets in a few solid shots. But, I still wish they would have done something funny with the “double elimination” theme. (Sarcasm intended)
 Aeon Flux
Release Date: February 23, 2007
Riffers: Mike Nelson & Kevin Murphy
"Are you inept, inattentive, weak? Then join the Sci-Fi movie army!" - Kevin
Aeon Flux, is one of those dystopian future tales that are all the rage of late. This one concerns a Monican, (Rebels who, according to our riffers, worship Monica) out to kill an evil leader (I know, sounds unique). It's all very Matrix like, a fact that Mike and Kev point out to us, and has just the right amount of "stupid" to inspire many a satirical barb (A few examples: Hitler hair, girl in a bar of soap and women with hands where her feet should be!). The movie also provides dry cryptic dialog -"Wow, his stand-up routine is terrible" - Mike. As well bizarre and impractical costumes to take shots at.
As with the previous Trax, the riffing on Aeon fits within that "Groove" - It's not their best, nor is it their worst effort. Some of Mike's greatest hits include the clever C.S.I and "Fargo" reference material, his "Vote James Spader for Emperor!" line as well as a real sharp "Brutus" quip (Directed at a betrayer - See Shakespeare's "Julius Caesar" for more details). Kevin's best stuff includes noting that Aeon's real name is "Catherine Mary Flux" and making light of assassination by informing us that John Wilkes Booth was nearly undone by a desire to make out with Lincoln!
Not everything works, the big laughs don't come frequently enough. And while I like a good fart or poop joke as much as anyone, this RiffTrax offers up too many bad fart and poop jokes. Also the Goodyear Blimp/Baseball announcer stuff didn't really do it for me. Good, not great
 Wicker Man
Release Date: March 2, 2007
Riffers: Mike Nelson & Kevin Murphy
"With the power of the magical cape, I become... Wicker Man!" - Mike
I loved the riff that referenced the film, "House of Sand and Fog". Why? Because that movie was simply one of the most bleak and hopelessly depressing I'd ever seen. And the riff sums up Wicker Man for me as well. While Mike and Kevin do get in some decent quips, ultimately, this flick defeated me.
But let us not focus on the suffering we endure while watching this Nic Cage remake, let us instead enjoy the soothing balm of humor applied by our intrepid riffers. Such as... The Wicker Man theme song and noticing the the titles looked similar to something seen in a Quinn Martin Production * After a truck demolishes a car pulled over by Cage's cop character (apparently killing the passengers, a mother and daughter), Mike says... "And that's what happens to bratty little girls. Good night everyone" * The self reading letter scene! * The 'insult comic' style jabs directed at Sister Beach and several other women on the Island. * Kevin sings Dylan! * Any scene with the spacey, distracted ex-fiance. Especially the one set at the grave site. * Phallic symbols! * Mike singing "This is a man's world", when it obviously isn't * "My God! The script is caving in!" - The acting and dialog is so bad that Kevin wonders if this wasn't suppose to be a comedy, (Cage screams suddenly and incoherently throughout; and early on he asks the islanders if thay are bagging sharks??)
Jokes that didn't work for me: The running gag about Cage's suit, er, sport coat and slacks. And I was hoping for and didn't receive a Ro-Man reference at the end of the film, which saw Cage gadding about in a furry animal suit.
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 Terminator III
#23 in Mighty Jack's Top 30
Release Date: March 16, 2007
Riffers: Mike Nelson & Kevin Murphy
"How can you fear someone so cute and pouty" - Kevin
I like the Terminator series, (at least until they made the 4th). After enduring the horrors of the last 3 movies, it was nice to be able to sit back and relax with one that was at least watchable. And it also helped that this is the strongest humor-wise as well. Once we get past yet another, "X-Rated" title, joke, the riffing clicks like a well oiled machine.
Mike cracked me up early when he injected the Gilligan's Island theme into the dialog, and he does this drop dead hilarious C3PO imitation that had me roaring. With the references to Bootsy Collins and Buckaroo Banzai, and Kevin's quip after the Terminatrix tells a cop that she, "Likes his gun" -"The Saints have answered my prayer!"- the guys easily lead me in to a dreamy state of comedy bliss.
There was a nice mix here: It didn't matter if they were being mean (Kevin attacks Clair Danes nose) or taking the easy rout with a non-stop collection of delightful AAAHNOLD impressions, this was good stuff all the way around.
A few other joys to behold: Mike's 911 call; Kev's general crush on the T3 and the quip about killing his wife's fiance. Mike having Arnold singing a bit of Jewel and Kelly Clarkson.. and of course, the jokes directed at the annoying heavy breathing at the end (I remember when I saw this at the theaters, I was thinking the same thing, "Stop with the over abundance of breathing, kid!
 Lost
Release Date: March 30, 2007
Riffers: Mike Nelson & Kevin Murphy
"You know, despite all the problems, the airline will still claim this as an on-time flight” – Kevin
Mike and Kevin are at their best when things are at their worst. Lost opens with a sad disaster - we see and hear people crying, screaming, bleeding; dead bodies strewn about... and all the while I'm laughing my ass off!
The obvious jokes are mined. Gilligan's Island, as well as the roles we'd seen the actors in previously. But beyond this, the whole darn episode is simply good old fashioned, silly, fun. The guy with the handful of pens, an enormously pregnant woman and a gal who can't get the lyrics to a "Three Dog Night" tune figured out are just a few of the simple but sweet comedic moments. And it only gets better in the second part of the episode.
In this half I was cheered by: The leering sequence, the "No, I found it" scene. Mike getting jazzed up over the DRAMATIC music and of course, the discovery that -Silent brooding wards off Pepsi drinking Polar bears". Though there are dry spells on both episodes, this was, for the most part, a goodie.
 Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
#6 in Mighty Jack's Top 30
Release Date: April 3, 2007
Riffers: Mike Nelson and Neil Patrick Harris
“This is what happens when crazy people don’t have cats to will things too” – Neil
This Rifftrax film was selected by Neil Patrick Harris, and the first half is pure gold--en ticket material. I was won over from the first song as Mike and Neil take each word literally; from there Neil –who is outstanding by the way- zaps Ian Zeiring and notes the poison Laffy Taffy fumes spilling from Wonka’s factory!
I was in high spirits at the go, hungering for more. From the jokes mocking the plight of the poor (Cabbage water; shirt boiling) to crooked corporations ("They’re scabs Charlie!" – Neil as Gramps). Neil and Mike were relentless; every detail in this section of film, every lyric, hardship and eccentricity is deliciously riffed. I couldn’t stop laughing – "...This film is all Wonka and no Willy" – Neil
Strangely, once we enter Wonka’s factory, things kind of slow down. Oh there's still great stuff. Mike wonders if it’s possible to overdose on to much whimsy, while. Neil harps on Chocolate Pogo Sticks one last time as Willy makes his grand entrance. And the Oompa Loompa's make it all worthwhile. There is a smart quip about Northern Ireland inspired by the musical factory workers, as well as killer lines that reference Tarantino, Jaundice and the odd clothing they wear.
Some fans have wondered why they picked on this version, rather than the Tim Burton remake. And while Johnny Depp's pale, "man-child" take, would have been a nice target. Wilder's menacing madman is not above reproach either. (Mike notes his creepiness too, when Wonka aggressively fondles a young lads hair). The guys do a great job on this, it's a heck of a lot of fun, very high spirited, dark humor - and having a bigger name actor join in the riffing added something new to the project as riffs directed at Neil's career were funny and fresh. All in all a tasty Trax.
 Casino Royale
Release Date: April 30, 2007
Riffers: Mike Nelson & Kevin Murphy
"It's spelled M, but pronounced MMMMMM" – Mike
I love this movie. I love the action, the drama, love the, uh, love story and seeing 007 in his first adventure. I was curious, would I be able to pay attention to the jokes when I'm so riveted by the movie? If my laughter is any indication, then the answer is a resounding... Yes!
The best bits don't come when they diss the movie – The pacing of the film works fine for me, so Mike and Kevin complaining about this aspect didn’t jibe with me- Rather, I got my kicks when they would rewrite the screenplay in their own image. As when Mike imagines Scarlett Johansson zooming in dressed as the Flying Nun to save the day. Or when Nelson has the baddie checking his laptop, upset at Britney’s recent hijinx.
The scene when Bond attempts to prevent a terrorist from blowing up a plane is a highlight; I especially enjoyed the radio communications in this sequence (and in this instance, their jabs at the lack of logic ring true). At the Casino, I laughed hard at Kevin's, "Sorry, can’t hear you, I'm muting the nagging with booze", and Mike got me giggling with the observation about Ericsson Phones. Great stuff!
Saying that, the movie is long and moves at a smooth, even pace that tests the duos comedic skills. Some of their attempts to pad it out, with gags about how expensive everything is in a Bond film, are not bad in and of themselves but neither are they very funny. (the one running gag I did enjoy was Mike having Bond wrongly say, "Hit Me!" during the card game)
Other goodies: The references got me chuckling. Mike notices Donny Iris, Donny Iris? How many people even remember Donny? Fiona Apple videos earn a clever nod, and the delightful callbacks to past Bond films, Goldfinger, Live and Let Die and how Roger Moore was a major puss compared the Daniel Craig. Oh, and wasn't it great when Kevin pulled out an old MST standby with Trip Shakespeare?
In summary: Though the jokes don't often click when attacking the film -Ala: knocking the opening chase scene as implausible. Uh, gentlemen, the guy being chased is Sébastien Foucan, who invented a sport called -Free Running- on which the chase is based. He can actually do many of the stunts filmed- for the most part I liked this Rifftrax a lot... and yet I like the movie even more. So when I’m in the mood for Casino Royale, which one do I watch? Oh the dilemma!
 Eragon
Release Date: May 11, 2007
Riffers: Mike Nelson & Kevin Murphy
“Wow, your… somewhat convincing” – Mike; when we see the full sized dragon for the first time
Eragon is a fantasy about a boy and his Dragon; and it very similar to several movies in (as well as out of) this genre. A truth that Mike and Kevin use for many a funny riff. This element is the crux of the films failing, but as with fantasy/Sci-fi films that were riffed before, the duo also takes great delight in mocking the funny names. Is the hero really named E-Ragon? And why are the Ventures in the film?
The riffing is lightweight, sometimes lowbrow – are they pandering to the masses? (The wonderful MST3K riff-philosophy of -"The right people will get it"- is not in evidence here). Regardless, there is fun to he found: A giant blue pill, hammy acting (My God, how far John Malcovich has fallen) and confusing relationship dynamics -"Wait, you’re my brother and your dad’s my uncle?" – Kevin- are targeted, and the bits with the dragon are quipped nicely. A few of my favorite things include: Continuity errors... "It's dry over here in the next scene!" – Mike * "Horse of July" parties, Trent Hitler and strange couplings... "If Albert Finny and Mickey Dolenze had a son" – Mike * and the colorful magic spells... "He said "Goodbye Stan" and off he went" – Kevin
 Glitter
Release Date: May 21, 2007
Riffers: Mike Nelson & Mary Jo Pehl
“Charlie; get me the prostitute and wino division!” – Mary Jo
Here’s the great insidious joke behind Rifftrax. I have watched “Crossroads” more times than the “Godfather”. I have viewed “Battlefield Earth” twice (and blew chunks both times) and God help me, I’ve now suffered through the Mariah Carry vehicle, “Glitter”.
I’m not proud of this fact; there are fewer things that can shame a man than admit he’s not only watched Britney and Mariah in their big Hollywood starring debuts, but also enjoyed it. The flip side of the coin of course is that Mike Nelson and, in the case of Glitter, former castmate Mary Jo Pehl have been there to smooth over the rocky slopes and thorny backwoods included in each film.
So how did Mary Jo do? I felt she was much improved from the MST3K episode, "Quest of the Delta Knights". Here, Mary Jo's vocal inflections shine, her witty bon motes sparkle, her comedic timing shimmers (gee, can I mine any other corny "Glitter" adjectives?) – Uh, lets just say, I liked what she brought to the table this time out. It was funny due in large part because Mike and Mary Jo get such a kick out of how bad it all is.
The sound of Mary Jo’s laughter is infectious and it gets Mike going too. When a guy named Dice locks onto Mariah’s character at a club, the scene shifts into some cheesy camera work, which makes Mike and MJP giggle in delight. That’s probably the most insightful statement one could make on the moment and it got me laughing like a goon as well. This is simply a ridiculous movie from top to bottom. The dialog is insipid (Soup girls up?) and as our riffers note, it comes from the “Yadda, yadda, yadda; school of film making” (it tells us what happens but doesn’t show us).
DJs of the year? Glitter’s got ‘em. Sex addict, Eric Benet? Yup, he’s here as well. Brilliant songwriting and recording skills? On display in full. And all of it is silly, and all of it is riffed to pieces. The ‘trax overflows with great observational quips -“It's one of those panty roses from 7-11” – MJP- Mary Jo's line about how lucky Stedman Graham is, and her bit about Brando when Dice starts Stanley Kowaskiing all over the place, are priceless. Mike had me in stitches when the movie evokes Gods wrath, I love it when he has the Lord sending a, “plague of razor blades to rain down from the Heavens”. And after watching this mess, I wouldn’t blame God in the least. This RiffTrax is simply a ton o' fun, what else can I say except... “BOOTY! BOOTY! BOOTY!”
 Predator
Release Date: June 1, 2007
Riffer: Mike Nelson
"This moment brought to you by Creatine"
Mike riffs well alone, though a film as loaded with so many monotonous scenes of people wandering through a jungle, would test even the greatest minds of our generation. Nelson combats this aspect by falling back on old standbys to fill in the gaps.
- For example: Showing annoyance with how slow the movie is to live up to its title (It isn’t really
- Using an actors other films as punch lines -“Well, on the bright side, you wont have to sit through Batman and Robin”, spoken after a man is shot-
- Listing the various “combustibles on hand”, during onscreen explosions
Too many bullets, too many sweaty close-ups and too much dense forest make for sparse riffing. It is still funny. When Mike ventures forth and brings us fresh material, Predator is often a scream. -“It was Jane Goodall and her posse!”- Mike on Guerilla forces- Arnold is an easy, funny target, and the entire “alpha male swagger” thing provides laughs. Mike also has a special love for his Governor, Jessie Ventura.
The cracks Mike makes about “Payback” time and fused spinal columns. Swipes at how muscle bound Arnold is -“I’m muscly, 5 ti - - no 6 times more muscly than you”- and the Preds limited abilities -”Okay, you have a tape recorder and play the maracas…”- all of these jokes are awesome, but factor in the failed bits (Mike naming mundane events to go with the overly dramatic score, was a clever idea that didn’t work), plus that there is only so much one man can do with the limited source material, and there isn’t enough of the great stuff to lift it to classic status. Regardless, it's well worth a listen, if only for hearing Mike go on about Mecha Godzilla! That was beautiful, just beautiful.
 Grey's Anatomy
Release Date: June 11, 2007
Riffers: Mike and BridgetNelson
“They make being at deaths door, fun” – Bridget
Bridget joins Mike on this Trax and that husband/wife dynamic adds a new kind of fuel to the fun. Bridget brings an upbeat, happy vibe to the table. Her timing and delivery is quick and snappy, much in the same vein as those classic screwball comedians from the 40s. This style meshed well with Mike’s, which shouldn’t be surprising, and the comfort level between the two makes for a smooth, easy listen (Bridget’s reaction to Mike’s ‘liver and onions’ quip is just what you’d expect from a spouse, and there are a couple moments like that throughout)
Grey’s Anatomy is one of those soapy TV medical dramas. All the familiar elements are in play; the most bothersome is the -nervous newbies harassed by short-tempered old pros- angle. I really hate that crap, snarky jagoffs really annoy me, which is why I avoid medical dramas (or medical comedies, like Scrubs, for that matter) like the plague.
Mike and Bridget don’t deal too harshly with the show. They tease it, slap it around a little; have fun with the dialog and the stock characters. The two are especially funny (and naughty) when teasing a gal who ‘sleeps and runs’ -“Yup she’s heading for the shipyard for another guy” – Mike- and Bridget’s Viagra joke put me in stitches. The couple is having a goofy good time and that put me in a great mood as well.
The show considerately keeps us informed on the time (inspiring Jack Bauer quips). Theirs a bedpan full O’ horrible bedside manner to rip on, and the gaudy looking surgical caps are just asking for trouble. Sandra Oh was a major irritant, so I’m glad she takes some shots. And the scene with the Chinese women by the dumpster, is some of the funniest material in the series. And of course, there’s an 'Operation Game' reference as well... “Hey Milton Bradley’s right, there is an ice cream cone in her head” – Bridget. Ahh, that’s sweet stuff
 Fantastic Four
Release Date: June 22, 2007
Riffers: Mike Nelson & Kevin Murphy
”Why, it’s as if an invisible hottie has deployed a force field” – Mike
Fantastic Four is a hopelessly hacked up comic book movie (many scenes that would have smoothed out the narrative and developed character, were left on the cutting room floor) and it would seem tailor made for a great riffing. It isn’t, as this is merely good and rarely achieves outright hilarity.
For the most part the riffing is uninspired; a lot of it consists of flat callbacks to the dialog that overstate the obvious. The guys obsess on The Thing and Mr. Fantastic’s genetalia, and fall back on name calling in regards to Johnny Storm: As a douchbag, tool or other insults in that vein. (The reliance on these simple slams, reminds me of a segment in MST3K’s “Castle of Fu Manchu”, in which Dr. F and Frank attempt to riff on the film as well. Their lame comments are of the, “Look at those shoes, what stupid... uh shoes”, variety) While insults can be funny when done right, most of the ones heard in F4 are just basic grade school putdowns, and relying so heavily on them reeks of either desperation or laziness.
When they put a little thought behind their words, they prove that they still have the magic touch. One nice example with the Torch is when Mike dumps the insults for a moment and stretches that clever noggin with a quip germane to Johnny’s powers... “Now I can protest the Viet Nam war again and again!” . Another funny bit zips into the comic book world when Ben’s wife drops her wedding band… ”It’s over, I’m already dating the Green Lantern”. And I like the observational line about Doom’s humanitarian award looking like an iron Satan mask. So yes, like most trax there is some good stuff (Was that a Prince of Space callback with the “Bullets are useless against me” bit?) but it’s the exception, not the rule and for me, dropping the ball on this golden opportunity is a disappointment. Fair to bellow average Trax.
 300
Release Date: July 31, 2007
Riffers: Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy & Bill Corbett
”March of the Penguins had less marching!” - Mike
Mike tackles this blue screen epic with Bill and Kevin at his side, and it's a release that I have to be in the right mood for. When I am in the right mood, the first half of their efforts puts me in stitches. The bits about how the Spartans treat the weaker, puny children, was a hoot and became a funny running gag throughout. The pinpoint digs about the leaders Scottish accent and how he was always yelling at the top of his lungs about “SPARTA!” exposed things about the film that bugged me as well. 300 is much beloved, but I found the film pretty empty and dug the jabs at its tedious, endless stop/start battles with its copious amounts of blood splatter. I need more from a flick than bearded muscley guys yelling about Sparta while he and his band hack away non-stop in a blood-fueled frenzy. Thankfully, Rifftrax gives me more.
Though the laugh riot slows as it goes, (the endless sword fights prove as much a riff challenge as Starfighters eternal scenes of refueling) there are moments for the crew to shine. The Arcadians (who play with dolls?) are relentlessly battered, and a scene where Kevin mistakenly hears a cow had me in tears from laughing so hard. The word "dip-shit" has never been funnier, nor has “fat person scooters”, bottomless pits without railings or hearing Kevin bout with the giggles when Mike riffs, "I want a better costume", for a poorly dressed hunchback and then later notices the "Lord of the Donuts".
Also, a running theme in these ‘trax has a riffer relating a mundane event in their real lives, to something explosive or dramatic on screen. Sometimes these jokes work, sometimes they don’t. Bill mentioning how he too experienced being “Blood Drunk” is one of the times when the bit works brilliantly. Oh and I’d be remise if I didn’t point out the nods to our MSTed past, as both Gorgo and Torgo are referenced.
 Rifftrax: The Bourne Identity
#25 in Mighty Jack's Top 30
Release Date: August 7, 2007
Riffers: Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy & Bill Corbett
”You’re my only friend, buttock implant” – Mike as Jason Bourne
Identity, wasn’t one I fell madly in love with at first sight but over the years it has improved. In fact the last time I watched it -back to back with "300"- I experienced more hearty chuckles while watching Bourne. Most of those chuckles are provided by two sources: Matt Damon is the first source. The guys noting his square head and having him cry over being confused for Mark Wahlburg was good and the amnesia quips a hoot (after Damon anguishes over not knowing who he is, Bill suggests, "Bitchy Von Cry Pants"). Corbett also got a big laugh when he notices that Bourne, “runs like Napoleon Dynamite”. There was also a reference to Patriots QB Tom Brady that earned kudos and the lines about Bourne arresting himself were cute as well.
The other high spot came in the form of darts aimed at the French. One chase sequence with French police offered one solid joke after another and proved to be this ‘Trax crowning achievement. With the quip, "I Surrender", becoming the catchphrase of the moment for me. The cream rises to the top and that’s true with this RiffTrax release, Bourne is loaded with cute and clever material, delivered with upbeat vocal inflections and spot on timing.
 Independence Day
Release Date: August 14, 2007
Riffers: Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy & Bill Corbett
”Wow, after seeing that I no longer fear hell” – Bill
Remember when ID4 was released to theaters and we all liked it? Then it came out on DVD and there was a sudden shift in opinion. On the small screen this epic wasn’t very epic what so ever. It amounts to a bunch of simple discs spitting out a death ray that, compared to the ominous and frightening Tri-Pods seen in Spielberg's “War of the Worlds”, come off pretty piss poor and not so scary at all. So, it's pretty fun when the guys tease the invasion with irreverence and disdain, "Uh oh, early digital effects, lots of ‘em men!" – Bill, (Kevin even references the “War of the World” solution for stopping the alien attack)
The broad and at times, stereotypical characters stand at the heart of some of the best riffs (Brent Spiner, fresh off his annoying turn in “Generations”, once again chews the scenery, Judd Hirsch should be ashamed and the smarmy Will Smith? Well, even his ears inspire a great "Pee Wee Herman" quip). Though not as killer as Bourne (or even 300), it's worth a listen If only for hearing Kevin sing the "Satellite of Love" song... as well as those Robert Loggia impressions (made funnier when Bill sometimes comes off sounding like Krusty the Clown).
Strippers, a new twist on the “assume” (ass out of you and me) bit, the several “nuke” related jokes and Mike going off on a Harrison Ford tangent, all make for a solid, though not overly stunning Rifftrax.
 Heroes
Release Date: Spetember 4, 2007
Riffer: Mike Nelson
"Chicks dig it when you tell them about your Superman dream"
Mike flies solo this time out and battles one of my favorite riiftrax subjects, the television pilot. And his work on Heroes is generally a marvel.
On the negative: Mike at times just complains about the show, and not in a clever way. And the jabs at Hiro's less than manly manner, got tiresome.
On the postive: I like Mike's use of obscure or pop culture reference, the sharp observational humor, the witty alteration of the reality set in the movie. It's what made MST3K special and set it a part from most televised comedies (and what made it too witty and clever for a some people). With this trax Mike shows off his Biblical knowledge by having fun with a character named Micah. When a father has a heart to heart with his young, cheerleader daughter, he warns her to "Stay away from Kevin Spacey". When a man named Mohinder offers a glass of water to the very thin Eve, Mike has her reply... "No thanks, I'm on a diet". And he also has fun referencing within the comic book genre. As when a policeman named Parkman enters the room of a murder, and locates a frightened child hiding in a crawl space. When Parkman is asked by other officers how he knew where the girl was hiding, Mike offers; "His orphan sense was tingling".
Heroes is loaded with colorful characters and Mike provides much amusement poking fun at each of them. From Clair's invulnerability (Her plans to jump into a stump grinder and shoot herself into the sun) To the flying Peter Petrelli's Hitler hair. As mentioned before, Mike does hit bellow the belt in regards to Hiro, still I got a kick out of the "Pie to 2 equals O’ clock" riff. And then there is Niki, who inspires many stripper jokes (as when Mike suggests that she sold her son for a leather bustier)
I also loved how Mike incorporated Goodnight Moon, Calvert Deforest, a song by the forgotten "Kriss Kross", Club Penguin, Phish and Andy Milonakis among others. So despite a few missteps, there are plenty of goodies to be enjoyed.
 Raiders of the Lost Ark
Release Date: October 2, 2007
Riffers: Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy & Bill Corbett
"And, on to Ebay it goes" – Kevin after the Ark is in hand
This one was kind of a bummer as there’s simply too much flimsy comedic material throughout. In the first hour I had one or two actual laugh out loud moments (At about 25 minutes in, during the drinking game with the man/woman). What was on the screen didn’t equate to many explosive riotous riffs. The predictable twists on Indy’s name gave me smiles, not guffaws. The cultural jokes were flat and uninspired. Jones just didn’t click.
Immersed in darkness and fearing that this might be the worst riffing ever done. Worse than KTMA’s Gamera, worse than Aztec Mummy, worse than Top Gun… I was given a few shards of light. As the film was closing in on its first hour, Indy and his band locate the Ark and Mike, Kev and Bill found their muse. Slams about how Jones was barking orders but not doing any work were a hoot, as was the moment when Indy looks momentarily insane. My laughter was short lived, but at least there was something to enjoy here and there down the stretch.
Attacks on the French remain a highlight and Bill got in some good lines: Including his admission about his favorite make out music. The riff -“Who’d want to leave behind a delicate flower like her”- on Karen Allen’s rough, screechy personality. And the toppermost, the one reason to listen to this trax, his rendition of the Raiders theme. What a great companion piece to Bill Murray’s lounge lizard on SNL singing the “Star Wars” song.
There was also a cute, quick callback to the ending of Fantastic Four that I liked as well. But in the great scheme of things this was a pretty tepid comedy. Among the bottom 5 Rifftrax so far.
 Next
Release Date: October 16, 2007
Riffers: Mike and Bridget Nelson
"It's just not the same without Colonel Glen Manning in a diaper" – Mike upon seeing Las Vegas
Mike and Bridget were stellar in their assault on “Grey’s Anatomy” and at the start I thought they’d be able to equal that effort. The opening bit where Bridget can’t wrap her brain around the idea of Nic Cage playing the hero is a gem. And Mike gets one of the biggest laughs of this or any ‘Trax when he makes mention of Bridget’s Easter outfit.
But most of this movie is met with even, though not spectacular quips. There are cute riffs; the lines about Peter Faulk, Mike’s marriage proposal, Gary Liberace, Bridget Mustard and I especially like how Bridget draws back for some obscure reference material, such as the "Icky Shuffle". But overall "Next" is a step down from the hilarity of their work on Greys.
 Missile to the Moon
#1 in Mighty Jack's Top 30
Release Date: October 30, 2007
Riffers: Mike Nelson & Feed Willard
“This is back when the Government used to come over to your house and give you some good natured ribbing” – Fred
As indicated in my Mythic Season articles (Click here to read Season 12), I have always wished that MST3K had covered a Richard Cunha directed movie. My first choice would have been his delightful “Frankenstein’s Daughter” - But I am nonetheless overjoyed to find Rifftrax covering Cunha’s “Cat Women on the Moon” remake, “Missile to the Moon”.
Adding to the elation of the movie choice was having Mike riff with master comedian Fred Willard. This was an inspired pairing. Fred’s got impeccable comedic timing; he delivers a line in a smooth, low-key manner that is very natural and unaffected. I absolutely love Willard’s matter of fact phrasing. As when he notes a character lugging around a sack of oranges in order to beat a guy; as if it where the most normal, mundane event in the world.
What we end up with this Rifftrax is rather Joel Hodgson like in tone. Using a classic 50s B-Movie, the laid back riffing that leans on idiosyncratic behavior (Fred’s favorite sayings about Caves, etc), references from the way back machine (Everly Brothers, Vincent Price) and esoteric pop culture Americana (Fluffernutter). There’s dark material, there’s even blue material but it still maintains a rather gentler and kinder feel overall and Willard conducts himself in a very droll, "just chilling with a B-movie" manner.
Missile itself is a gift; with its clearly defined delinquents (“Which is the shrewd one and which one is very smart?” – Fred), unconvincing, slow moving menace (A giant spider and rock creatures - “You know, I think you have a better chance of being overtaken by an actual rock” - Fred) and a bevy of blue beauty contestants (The movie can be watched in B&W or colorized version and there is a joke or two where the ladies blue skin tone is mentioned)
I absolutely adored this rifftrax, I laughed till I turned blue. Mike was great and Fred’s style was so different from what we’ve heard on these ‘trax in the past and so damned hysterical that I pray we soon see the return of Mr. Willard (hopefully on more B-Movie cheese).
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