Santa Claus Uncut

MST...Uncut!

#521 Santa Claus

Edit #1: Dance of the Dolly's
After Lupita's heavy debate with the giant doll; a gang of dolls emerge from the boxes and start dancing around the little girl.
At one point they even accidentally whap her in the face. As you can see Lupita flashes a look of annoyance - being the pro that she is though, she's quickly snaps back into character. Looking about with bland interest.
There is also a moment when the dolls move in close and surround her in a tight circle. This reminded me of a scene from the musical, "Jesus Christ Superstar", when the lepers crowd around Jesus crying for help. So of course I soon found myself singing - "There's too many of you... Oooh, don't crowd me"

Edit #2: Santa gets ready to rock!
Just before Santa sails off for Earth, we are given a few scenes that show off the tricks of his trade
Here, the narrator introduces us to Merlin! He's working in his lab, mixing chemicals and doesn't hear Santa walk in. Santa calls to him several times before the magician pays notice.

Merlin "Oh Santa Claus, what a start you gave me... This new rainbow is quite unusual"
Crow: "Try some, you'll see God"

Merlin goes on about his new rainbow before Santa laughs and asks if... "The new sleeping powders are mixed. The dreaming powders that fill everyone with joy and good will, and the flower to disappear?"
Servo: So Merlin was the original Stanley Owsley?

They discuss Christmas and Merlin adds.. "I shall reveal to you the secret of the magic stardust"
Mike as Merlin: "Your gonna ride the magic bus tonight Santa"

Santa again laughs knowingly as Merlin waddles over to a cupboard and removes an urn. The magician returns and shows Santa what he's holding.

Merlin then heads across the room towards a few giant flowers. As he does so, he makes some stupid noise -"Du-dum, du-dum, du-dum"-
It's not enough that we are treated to every step the old man takes, but the film makers decided that it would be a good idea to have Merlin forget the urn, film him WADDLING BACK and explain to Santa his mistake!
Of course, We then watch him slowly return to the flowers, where he scrapes pollen from each...

Merlin: "8 scoops of rose colored pollen, from the marvelous moon flower. 9 scoops of pollen from the Lazy Yawner..."
Crow: "And two scoops of dandruff from the head of Jerry Garcia..."

Merlin waddles back to Santa with the pollen, explains that the last ingredient is the most important.
Mike: "Hair; shaved from the back of Robin Williams"

Of course, Merlin forgets the urn and we have to watch him waddle back and forth making that, "Do, de, dum", noise!!!

Santa laughs.
Merlin: "What a memory, I keep forgetting the urn"
Servo (shouting): "If you hadn't spent years baking your brain cells you might remember your stupid urn!"

After mixing the potions, Merlin says...
"Now open your pack!"
Servo (Makes guitar sound): "Waka-Chika Waka-Chika Waka-Chika"
Crow: "Oh gawd, no Santa no! Guys, I'll never feel clean again! -sniff-"
Mike: "There, there, I'm sure Merlin didn't mean it that way - Sometimes a candy cane is just a candy cane"
Servo as Merlin: "Here's sand in your pants - Feels better than mud in your eye don't it?"

Merlin and Santa banter back and forth, Santa forgets how to use the items he's used for years and the two commiserate on their shared memory loss.

After Santa leaves Merlin, the camera cuts to a hairy guy pounding on some metal
Mike: "Ga - It's Groundskeeper Willie"
Crow: "Look, he's trying to hail a cab out of this movie"

The Narrator tells us that this is Santa's keymaker
Servo as Santa: "Are you the gate keeper?"
Keymaker: "The golden key that opens all doors is ready Santa"
Mike as the Keymaker: "Except for Midge Torkleson's door. She has a restraining order"
Keymaker: "Please try it on the locks of a thousand magic portals."

Santa proceeds to flick the key on a lock, which opens and leads to another door. Santa flicks the key over and over again.
Servo as Santa: "Geeze, how do I get out of this freakin' place!"
Crow: Are we going to have to watch him open every magic portal?"

Cut to a shot of Santa's boots. He's twitching like mad.
Servo: "I think Santa's having sugar plumb withdrawals"

The narrator wonders if Santa is dancing? The camera pulls back...
Narrator: "No indeed, Santa must watch hs waistline and reduce his tummy if he is to get down all the chimneys"
Crow using drill sergeant voice: "Now get down and give me 20 maggot!"